Mother of the small mysteries

The title reflects thoughts and ponderings of late. Mother of the mysteries, or of small mysteries not sure yet. Although big or small they are still the mysteries. The what ifs? the strange occurrences we see in life.

I'm hankering after making a doll with the title Mother of the mysteries, I've put a few ideas down in my journal and will add to them as the days go by before actually starting to create her. Colours, decoration and materials all to be thought of. This doll seems to be quite an important character and does not want to be rushed.

I promised some pictures and here is the latest finished shawl modelled by Dorothea. Yarn is dyed by me and reflects the element of air and inspiration and the colours of Imbolc white and gold. I sort of followed a pattern but there was lots of yarn left so I carried on until I'd used it all. Will be nice and warm with the length I think. The yarn is fingering weight from Louet and has a slight cotton feel to me. I dyed 2 lots of this the other is currently on the needles and is a grey with squiggles of shocking pink and hyacinth. Looks better than it sounds.

There is  a bobble effect on this shawl and I haven't done them for over 40 years I don't think. One of the favourite patterns I knit my children when babies was a jacket, done in blackberry stitch as it was called. Looked similar to this. I loved the pattern so much I think I made around 8 tops for my children and several more for my sisters child born 3 days before my son.

 I have always loved knitting since I was a very small child, some crochet but not patterns per se. Mainly granny squares and large granny square blankets and cushions. Made an awful lot of them over the years. When we lived on a narrowboat I made primary colour cushions and throws in crochet mohair for the seats. Used to look very bright and colourful.
Today has been absolutely gorgeous and there is snow on the tops of the hills again making it fairly cool. But it made for wondrous views from the seafront.

 Tide was in and was very quiet after the gales and high seas of previous weeks.

 I think you can just see the snow on the very tops?

Last night we went to a 50th birthday party for my cousins partner. A surprise party no less and went well. I think there where some 28 of us all waiting for the birthday boys return from his day of golf. He was truly stunned when he walked in to see us all there. My cousin had arranged for his sister and her husband to fly over from Ireland and his cousin to come up from Essex I think? My cousin is more of a sister than my actual siblings so I always love seeing her. We never go out much of an evening so this was a rare occurrence for the moggies. We didn't stay late but enjoyed it never the less.

Love

Love takes many forms and is a mystery with it.
Bot no mystery about this Valentines Day. Mr Mog received 19 cards and several gifts by mail and many more virtual Valentines.

I can't tell you how emotional we both were. That someone had organised this for him (a very dear friend who shall be nameless) and that people all over the country had taken the time to buy or in many cases make a card for him. Most of these people we have never met ,yet ,but they are very much appreciated none the less.
We all need love in our lives it helps when things are bad as well as good.
This week has been a messy one, Mr Mog had his 3monthly hormone injection one day and then Friday the scan. We were at hospital for 11am for his injection then had to go back at 3 for the actual scan. We were both apprehensive about the injection as he had major problems with the last one and had to have oxygen. We needn't have worried, the radiologist was excellent and so much better than the last one.
I know we had both lost sleep over the appointment but what a relief when it was done.
Next scans are in 2 weeks then back to oncologist for result mid March.
Today the sun is shining and it is so much brighter than it has been for past 10 days.
I hope to have finished knitting to show soon, watch this space:)

Valentines

It would appear that mr Mog has been living a double life;) or you would think so at the moment. He is being showered with valentines cards each day.he has no idea why but it certainly makes him(and me) smile which I suspect is the intent.
Following on from my last blog post about the drug trials and the effects of positive thinking ,which Blue Witch reiterates, a friend decided to reinforce the effects. All I know up to now is that she apparently got in touch with people she knew and that we did to arrange a surprise. She asked me first without explaining quite what the surprise would be. I will apparently be told all after Tuesday.
He got the first cards yesterday and more today. Mr Mog was very moved and could hardly speak reading the messages. To think that so many people we had never met cared enough to answer a friends call is amazing and wonderful. We are lucky to have such friends who are generous, caring despite having health problems of their own to deal with.
When there is so much going on with the cancer and my health stuff minor as it is in comparison a little light relief certainly cheers you up.

Imbolc full moon

A stunning full moon rising above the house, truly spectacular . It really defines this turn of the wheel. I am glad to see it as a sign of hope and a light.

Mr Mog has decided not to take part in the drug trials the oncologist gave us details of. There was just a 50% chance of getting the new drug and the side effects were not nice. It would have been given alongside a steroid and after adding the 2 Sets of side effects together he decided not to take part. The drug wasn't a cure just a "possibility" of a longer life. As mr M said he didn't want a longer life if it was at such a cost and I agree with him. He has to have more scans next week to see how far the disease has spread through his bones. Then back mid March for next appointment.
We are focusing on each day and that is enough at the moment.

Annual silent poetry reading for Brigid

Here is my contribution to the Imbolc celebrations in honour of the Goddess Brigid. Goddess of poetry among other things.

My path is mine. It belongs to me alone
The way shines inside should I choose to follow
A shining beacon of love and ligh
not easy or fast but right for me
I just need the courage of the Goddess to take the first step
not rushing to the end but enjoying my journey
In Brigid's hands there is no need for fear.

My other contribution  is from Earthkind by Brian Boothby and Glennie Kindred.

Blue Morning

Dawn backlights the mountains, silver frost on the land

Morning winter landscape, thrill like contraband

ducks spring from the water, gulls wail on the wing

music in ice crackles as blue silence begins to sing

and I'm traveller, yawning and stretching, walking in the light

hoar frost gathers on my feet, i breathe a breath of white

red the blood runs rich, black the trees are bare

blue morning weaves my soul with the magic of the air

horizons shift,colours merge, movement all around

curlew calls the tide-change, the hawk surveys the sound

its hard sometimes to come to terms with nothing staying still

but no two mornings ever dawned alike, I'm sure they never will

Brians site is here should you wish to explore further

Imbolc blessings

Happy Imbolc everyone may the day be filled with as much sunshine as we have here. A true sign from the Goddess that the wheel has turned and the brighter,lighter days are on their way.

 New growth everywhere you look, seeds sprouting, bulbs growing by the day.

 Today is all about synchronicity and a little meander through my thought processes. A couple of weeks ago Mr Mog was passing a parade of shops near our sons home. He told me later when we were nearly home that he had seen my kind of doll in a shop window. Never thought too much of it until we had occasion to be near there again. I went into the shop(Tourist information) and saw 2 figures the one you see below and one in shocking pinks This one spoke to me for some reason. I presume leading on from my art doll thoughts, who knows why?

I asked her price and can you believe she was only £15? When you think of all the work that has gone into her. She isn't the kind I want to make particularly but she is cloth and an art doll so yes heading the same way. At that price I decided to bring her home with me. Seemed silly not to.

 Move on to yesterday and I decided to ring TI and see if I could find out the doll artists name, there was no identification on her just the price. I explained that I made dolls and was always interested in meeting fellow artists. The guy at TI said he would get back to me. He didn't but a short while later the artist did. We had a long chat and it transpires that she started making dolls when she went through a breakdown. She didn't know why , she just had to make them. This was so similar to my first forays into creativity, poetry writing when I was first married and then subsequent paper arts etc when I first was with Mr Mog. The crafting and Mr Mog got me through the breakdown and I've created since then. I find I need to. It isn't just for fun it is a real need to express myself and to get the quiet inside that we all need.

 This mornings morning pages went on from that and here is a part of what I wrote.

There is a fine line we walk as artists between madness and sanity and it seems to be there on the edge that we find both our Muse and our creativity.

 It is almost like shamans having a near death experience that kick starts the shamanic process. Or for many pagans starts them on their path or their awareness of it. A different kind of muse and a different strand of the path but after all the two are linked. Creativity of the hands as an artist and creative form of the minds working when you follow a spiritual path or should that be when you work with your spiritual path as in rituals etc?
Is that some of it? That you have to break free from the mundane and routine ? When I first joined a coven we were told about the eight ways of making magic.

1 is meditation or concentration.
2 is chanting, spells, invocations
3 is Trance
4 is Incense,drugs, wine .
5 is dancing
6 is blood control or use of the cords
7 is The scourge
8 is the great rite.
I would add that I didn't stay with the coven as it wasn't my path. Yes I am sure for many it is right but I didn't feel comfortable following prewritten scripts almost. My way of getting in touch with the Goddess was more spontaneous and right for me.
But maybe their use of the 8 paths were a way to move from the physical to the higher plane.

Isn't that what we as artists do when we sit down to create?
So are art and magic different sides of the same coin?

 I often say to beginner spinners that the art of spinning becomes a meditative practise. You go to another place and creating any form of art you go there also to my mind.

 Old tales and pictures of weaving and spinning where sorceresses and witches use their craft to weave spells good or ill.
In old tales always ill. Look at sleeping beauty.
So going on:-
Could some of that be the churches way of control? That ritual and prayer etc are for god and done in church, certainly in catholic belief. Look at the saying, idle hands are the work of the devil. i.e no sitting about daydreaming.
Ooops going off tangent here.

So I think what I am trying to say is that for me my creativity is and has always been a sacred activity. A way to connect with the Goddess. At this time of Imbolc it seems most apt to be reaffirming that for myself as the Lady of Imbolc for me is always Brigid and of course she is the Goddess of creativity and crafts. Also an aspect of the Triple Goddess.

This ungainly lot are a beginning for Imbolc. Purchased doll blanks(apart from the large pregnant doll at the back) They have all had a dip in dye baths and are ready for the next stage. The large one is going to be decorated as an aspect of Gaia, the earth mother. The others not sure yet but its a small start on another turn of the path I follow. From here I hope to try making a cloth doll from scratch. Not easy when you are straight seam sewing challenged as I am. Wavy line figures anyone?

Dolls

As I think most of you know I've always made elemental figures or femmes. When I first started making them I also dabbled in making art dolls from cloth, paper, wood you name it.
This rather went by the wayside once I took up spinning and dropped paper arts but I have a fancy to start again.
I've been thinking of dipping my toe in the doll making waters for a week or three and as I have lots of stuff that would be suitable I'm thinking of just doing it and seeing what happens. I think the Imbolc creativity magic of Brigid is rubbing off on me.
I don't really know what I want to do (or indeed why) but who knows where the muse will take us?
I used to subscribe to Art Doll Quarterly when it first began and have put out a plea for anyone who has some taking space up to maybe pass them on to me. Not because I want to copy but I want to immerse myself in figure inspiration to help the starting .
Am I silly? Maybe but you know I don't care the dolls are calling:)

Another day today

 I woke this morning with the determination to be normal or as near normal as passes for it these days. No sense worrying over things I can't control and as Blue Witch so aptly put it PMA can overcome PSA

So normal here we go. After all  we are on the eve of Imbolc, a new turn on the wheel and new beginnings and new growth. So listen to yourself Amber and follow your beliefs.

 We had a couple of days away last week. We were supposed to go to York before Yule but my health stopped that. Mr Mog has never been and it is around 22 years since I did so an adventure for us both.

 You can probably guess our first port of call looking at the pictures.

 Mr Mog is quite keen on railways especially the steam persuasion so this seemed the perfect place to start our visit. Despite lots of sitting down(me) we only covered a small part of it and would love to go back sometime to see more.

 York itself is full of stunning buildings and parts of buildings. So much to see and enjoy. We didn't go in the Minster partly because I'm not Christian so it holds no interest from a religious point of view but also they charge you. £15 if you wanted to do all of it, that is each. Whatever happened to following the Bible's precepts and the story of Jesus and the money changers? Jesus drove them out of the temple and accused them of turning the church into a den of thieves. Yes I am all for donating to the upkeep of ancient buildings but voluntarily.

 I loved the images above shops and doorways such as this.

 I did take a couple of pictures of the Minster as you can see but that was enough for me to be honest. I really wanted to mooch around the city at will and not feel obligated to go into places.

 Although the name of this shop almost dragged me in, I did succumb to the next.

 Just look, isn't it so OTT? But really friendly staff. I think Mr Mog and I stayed in there for over half an hour chatting. It was another example of connections also as we had quite a few mutual acquaintances in common. The shop was filled with books, incense and all the usual occult shop items. Not that that is a bad thing . I purchased some hand made incense from them. I usually make my own but now and again it is good to try another, especially if it is just a general house incense with no purpose in mind.

 A veritable treasure trove of your magic shop items.

 Then this of course has a magic all its own, there are 2 Bettys in York both of which were full despite the time of year.

 There were creatures watching us from all parts of the city.

 Some simply stunning like this statue

 Then from one extreme to the other this in the Ness shop:)

 Same shop

 Didn't know if this would come out as the ginger cat moved all the time and I just did my usual click and go. I am really pleased with the picture.

 This beauty was in the Newgate coffee shop where we had a sandwich both days and people watched.

 This pile of stuff was on a market stall in Newgate market. She sold lots of different yarns and this was on the end of the stall. I couldn't understand why they would laugh when I asked if I could take a picture of the pile of stuff:)

 But wasn't it colourful? Newgate market is on the end of the famous Shambles and they had a yarn shop. Well we had to go in and say hello didn't we? Can you see the funky needle felted sheep along the middle of the window?

There were 2 other yarn shops and I meant to take pictures but didn't. Poppys full of colour and lots of different yarns and my favourite
Grace and Jacob.
This didn't only have yarn but fibre and fabric. The yarn and fibre dyed by the owner who is also a felt maker. We both indulged there. Mr Mog got some alpaca and camel  undyed and I bought some Gothic purple black merino silk for friends.
Didn't do much else but it was enough for us and we enjoyed it.

Next post going back to my roots, or making cloth art dolls again hopefully.

Today

Half an hour early to hospital as roads were clear. We have to go early to ensure we don't get stuck in traffic. Appointments running an hour late which didn't help. Seeing people going in after our arrival and our appointment time .
Asked nurse when would it be us and was told sorry you should have gone in.
Eventually called and instead of normal consultant and 1 nurse there were 2 nurses, consultant and senior urology nurse.
Made us both wonder what was going on.
PSA is up 20% so scans called for. Waiting for appointments for them.
 Next appointment in 6 weeks for results then decisions depending on spread through bones.
1 hormone stopped and 1 injected hormone continued.
Details of drug trials being sent for our perusal.
Always astounds me that many people have prostate cancer with scores hundreds higher than Mr Mogs and yet they are ok. Apparently it is where the cells are in which part of the prostate that is the problem hence Mr Mogs score is actually low but not if you see what I mean.
We came home and Mr Mog has been working on his train layout as the sun is shining although it is extremely cold here.

Next post will be cheery as it is almost time for the 7th annual silent poetry reading for Brigid. I'm taking part. Are you?

Rituals

Whatever path we follow we all have rituals. They may be something simple such as the morning routine of get up, shower etc.
They may be complex magical rituals involving hours of preparation.
They may just be a necessary thing on a traumatic day

I have always taken socks to knit to Mr Mogs hospital appointments. I started when he first had radiotherapy and have continued through the years of checkups. It doesn't feel right not to have a sock on The needles.
I always felt that the continuing good news was helped by my maintaining a ritual sock knit.
Tomorrows appointment is a little (a lot) more traumatic than usual.
If the psa has risen at all then a decision needs to be made regarding mri scans, bone scans and the like.
Then if those results confirm the psa score a decision on chemo. All a little if and if but I prefer that. It isn't cut and dried there is hope and there is positive thinking.

Part of that positive thinking involves this little ritual of sock on needles.
An easy enough ritual for a person to carry out
No?

All positive thoughts welcomed please as always

Writings

I wanted to write about writing today.

I have not done my Morning pages for quite a while now, long before Christmas. I always used to do 3 pages of writing before I got up in a morning. It helped to get rid of the dross in my head and free my mind for creativity. I'm not sure why I stopped. I suspect a combination of pain, worries over Mr Mog and other stuff going on. Who knows why you stop a practice?

 

In the past I haven't sweated too much over missing a day or two, after all it is no good doing something if the time isn't right.

But I realised 2 days ago that I missed it. I missed that meditational aspect of writing anything that came into my head.

 I suspect some of my reluctance came from the dark mornings, putting off doing something because it is dark. It hasn't helped me any. My head gets full of stuff and there is no room for creativity and beauty.

 The muse prefers it if you concentrate when she calls. I know that I always feel better when I have done my pages. The knitting and spinning are other forms of creativity but the forming of words and sentences has always been my first love.

 I want to recapture some of the journalling joy. The joy of the written word, the poetry of sentences. The outpourings from the poetic side of my brain.

 It is still there, it has just been hibernating for winter's dark withdrawal time. A chance to sleep and recoup energies and inspiration ready for the first bud.

 The first snowdrop dancing in the dark wet soil. A reflection of the moon's pale splendour here in the earth.

 Solitary ones spotted at first, then whole clumps dancing in the wind. A beacon of hope and of summer warmth to come.

 Then as other flowers show their heads the snowdrops retreat into the ground to be nurtured through spring,summer and autumn ready to begin their dance as winter returns once more.

 I hope my returning muse is like the snowdrops, a little to begin with then pages full of joy and inspiration.

 Imbolc is just around the corner now and I can't wait. I don't want to wish my days away but I want this turn of the wheel. I want it to bring good things, a staying of the disease for Mr Mog. A chance to enjoy  many more days together in the returning sun and light.

I have started back on my studying also. My tarot cards are out once more and not just the daily card I always chose from my Wild Spirit pack but a new tarot. One sent for Yule, a gift from my friend Pixie.
The Gaian Tarot by Joanna Colbert.
Pixie and I had spoken about this a long while ago when Joanna first started to create the pack. Both taken with the imagery and both thinking of purchasing it when it was no longer a limited edition pack but a more accessible one.
To be honest I had forgotten but Pixie hadn't. It was such a surprise to open my Yule gift and find this . I have only nibbled at the edges but intend to work with the cards and see what comes of it.
I've also been delving in the library by my chair and pulled out other books, colour healing, numerology to name but 2. No idea why again but why not?
No preconceived ideas just going where the Goddess takes me.