Oh colour I do love thee

Oh colour how I do love thee. You inspire me and you lift my spirits.

 You are a distraction from pain

You give me permission to play

Your colour enfolds me in its beauty

The aches fade as I play

While I await the return of the muse I have things to distract and bring me comfort

And that must be good

Mustn't it?

Apologies for the mixed up formatting. Blogger is playing silly beggars again. All suggestions for a new blog platform gratefully received

Sometimes

sometimes things can overwhelm
Pain, happenings around us
All serve to distract
The key I think is colour
Bright makes me smile
Rainbows lift the spirit
Natures hues most of all

The blanket was made by a good friend as a joint birthday present. Isn't it stunning?

colours

Today I decided to paint some shoes. 2 pair were yellow and purchased cheaply in sales. one pair were black and I don't normally do black if I can help it. So the Lumiere paints came out:)

 these were the plain black. i used a pencil with eraser tip to add colour and then trailed glitter around each dot.

 these were yellow, bright yellow and so not me.

 These also were a yellow and again not me so Indigo lumieres to the rescue

Then a picture of them all together, and yes I do seem to have a spotty theme going;)

The thing is that if I get bored I can always repaint. 

Off to a new yarn festival tomorrow. Yarndale in Skipton. Sounds promising and its always good to meet up with friends which is the main reason Mr Mog and I are going.  Just doing the one day as we have other plans for Sunday and TBH  it will be a wee bit strange going as  visitors and not being involved with the interactive area which both Woolfest and Wonderwool have and where we and many friends, fund raise for the air ambulance.

Today is all about colour

Today is a colourful day and I thought you would like to see some of the pictures. Above is my latest shawl, based on the Vixen pattern but modified somewhat. The yarn is Posh Elinor fingering. 1 skein of Waving Not Drowning and 1 skein of Nice Weather For Ducks. I think they go well together
Then keeping with the blue theme for a moment some pictures from the full moon the other night.

It was a very clear evening as you can see

Mr Mog has strung up quite a few solar lights around the railway and they always add a magical touch to the garden when the day fades.

A close up of the shawl modelled by Minerva my new mannequin

 This was the pink fluff I made a donation for at Wonderwool, I've plyed it with a fine glittery thread, you can't see the glitter in the photo but it is there as a sheen more than overly brassy.

I had a few curls lying around and decided they would look better with a little colour so into the pan they went, they will become another free form shawl or wrap I think.

This outfit was a very pale greyish green and a bargain at the charity shop. Viscose always dyes OK so I thought I'd give it a go

As you can see it didn't come out too bad

While at Wonderwool I obtained a skein of Silver Sparkle lace yarn from Andy at Bluefaced.com. It is  75% extra fine merino, 20% silk and 5% Stellina which gives the subtle sparkle. 100gms has 800 metres. I wanted something citrusy so this also went into the dye pot with 3 different yellows, a touch of orange and a smidgen of lime green. I deliberately left some white showing.

 

 The sun has shone here all over Easter so the roads and beach have been very busy. We have stayed at home, I usually don't like to go out on bank holidays if I can help it as it gets way too hectic for me.

The pain levels haven't been good this past few days, it is hard to focus on 1 sore point if there are lots. Distractions have included citrus and raisin muffins, spinning merino silk, finishing the shawl and starting another Elsewhere jacket. The jacket is being made with some destash yarn I purchased and there won't be enough for a full jacket. I'm going to do short sleeves or none and I'm going to adding occasional stripes or splashes of other colours to the dark purple/twilight  I have.

I'm also rereading the Moonheart/Spiritwalk books by Charles de Lint as I felt the need for some urban fantasy:) I love Charles's books they always take me out of my pain zone with the poetry of his writing. 

Beltane approaches fast, how will you be celebrating this turn of the wheel? We had hoped to go to Glastonbury but sadly both the places I like to stay are full up. I think it may be a Beltane at home:) I can feel the energies starting to rise and the warmth of the festival approaching.

With clogs on

Look what I found on the rug this morning.
I thought it was rather noisy last night. It would appear that the fairy folk party with clogs on:)

Strangely enough I used to have clogs like these and loved them. They were made for me by a clog maker who used to have a shop near Lancaster some years ago. He made clogs to measure. When I was a child I used to wear clogs a lot, they were supposed to strengthen my weak joints. Can't say I noticed any difference but I did love the noise they made when you walked:)



I found these in a charity shop the other day and had to have them. At 20p for the 2 pairs they haven't exactly broke the bank. I thought I may make 2 femmes to wear them. Not my normal figures something to honour my nan perhaps?
I'm having a rough time at the moment. Burning neck and shoulders and much pain. To add to all my normal stuff my feet are cracked very badly not just the heels but on the ball of my foot. Makes putting my feet down very painful.

We attended the Tynedale spinners gathering at the weekend and really enjoyed it. Many ravellers there to meet up with both new and old friends. The journey to Stocksfield was beautiful, clear skies and we could see for miles.
Still in the process of clearing MiL's house prior to it being put on the market to fund her care. An incredible amount of junk to get rid of. We have given the charity shop the saleable items but some stuff is only fit for recycling. Years of old envelopes in various states of decay. Old food containers similar. Not items that have any purpose sadly.

Sometimes

Sometimes I still wake up full of energy and get up and go.

It isn't often and it doesn't last but if I don't go with the flow I regret it.

If I turn over for just a few minutes more sleep then the second time of wakening is never as good. I will always be weary and lacking with energy from not seizing the moment and being in the now.
Today was a wake up early day. A time of sun and light and early morning choruses. A heron slowly passing the bedroom window. Not often seen as we live on an estate of many houses and small gardens.
Not a flight path to early morning feeds.
And yet,
Our neighbours at the back have a pond. Could it be that old longshanks tried their waters for his morning repast?
You don't have to be in tiny hamlets buried deep in the country to see nature.

The sunsets from my window are stunning, the colour ranging from blush pinks through fire red and orange to deepest purples and velvet blues.
The sunrise over the factory roof at the back of the house. The roof that reminds me of Glastonbury Tor each time I see it.
As the sky lightens with rising Sol its colours are a more pastel version of sunset.

In my tiny urban garden I've seen goldfinches, blackbirds and magpies. I've seen buzzards lazily riding the thermals above . I've heard far more birds but don't recognise their songs.
Of course living near the sea we get our fair share of raucous seagulls, yet they too have a beauty all their own.

In Winter and Spring we see and hear the wild geese as they travel over on their way to feeding grounds. Their mournful cry reminds us that Winter for us is but a lush feeding time for them.

I often imagine myself high on the wing following the leader to who knows where?
A trip across strange lands and with oceans spied below as we pass over.

Imagination necessary when pain threatens to overcome.

Somewhere to travel in the mind and try to take away the raw hurting for even a moment.

Yes I do feel handicapped often by this disease.

I'd love to travel physically to places far and wide, to be able to stride across forests and up mountains. To be able to dance in moonlight on sea shores.


To be able to grasp life and all it offers ALL the time and not have to sip at brief parts of it.
Yet I do have my imagination and my mind pictures.

I can go anywhere I choose with them.

Who says the journey has to be on foot?

The pictures are today's haul from the car boot. An amber bracelet for me. A village for Mr Mog and his outdoor railway. The solitary cottage is aptly named Spinner's Cottage and this theme was kept with the books I also found.

Where has my body gone?

Who owns this body? It can't be mine.

If it is then who has taken all functionality away from it?

Who gave me this broken body? Did they exchange theirs for mine while I was sleeping one night?

So many bits of it don't work as they should.

They hurt.

They let me down when I want them to do something.

If I had to examine my body and find the fully functioning parts I would be hard pressed to do so today.

Oh wait a moment , my hands are working. They are typing this, slowly but nevertheless that must mean they at least are working..

My knees are most definitely not my knees. They are swollen and they are sore. Sharp pains work their way around them.
No , they can't be mine surely?

My back is someone elses isn't it?

It hurts and it won't move where I want it to. That must prove it isn't my back.

My neck must belong to someone else, it doesn't want to hold my head upright. If it was my neck it would do wouldn't it?
This must be a neck for a smaller person.

I do wish they would give me my neck back.

My legs you ask? Well they too belong elsewhere.
My legs wouldn't let me down so much I am certain.

MY legs would hold me and walk for me and not be sore all the time.

My legs would dance and walk long distances.
They would pirouette every day.

My hands can go back to their owner while we are at it. They must have taken mine while I composed my sentences.

My hands would spin beautifully all the time. They would feel the fibre as it slips through my fingers.
They wouldn't be numb and they surely wouldn't fumble with the yarn I want to make.

They would knit without locking up and they would not have lumps and bumps.

They wouldn't look like old ladies hands, arthritic and gnarled.

Would they?

My mind is MOST certainly my own. Phew well that is a relief then:)

On pain and it's effects.

What do doctors know of pain?
The way it leeches through your veins

Weeks of constant pain. Neck, head, back.
Lots of combinations of pills trying to alleviate it somewhat.
Feelings of discomfort and malaise in all I do.
Trips to doctor and optician trying to rectify whatever it is that is suddenly violently there.
Migraine diagnosis from doctor despite it being nothing like any form of migraine I've had in the past.
Anti-inflammatories given.
Trip to optician, yes eyes slightly changed. Is it enough to cause the severe headaches?
New prescription glasses - picked up today.
Anti inflammatory pills crease my stomach, no use taking pills to counter that as they make me sick.
Cut anti-inflammatory pills from 3 to 2 per day. No difference and still no lessening of pain.
Add in strong painkillers, stomach more discomfort.
Cut anti inflammatory pills to 1 per day, mix in paracetamol. No difference.
Stop anti-inflammatory, stop constant strong pain killers.
New cocktail one strong painkiller per day rest of the day paracetamol.
No stomach problems, that is good yes?
Not much help on back, neck and head pain though.
Question, do i go back? Have not taken anti-inflammatory pills as directed or for long enough so no point there.
Do I soldier on with my self help oils, healing, deep heat cream and paracetamol with occasional strong painkiller when it all becomes too much?
If I do go back it will be more anti-inflammatory pills of a different name - same pack drill same side effects. They will still make me ill. I think I've tried all forms now.
Or, will it be stronger pain killers, for side effects see above and they make me zombified. Is that a word? Who cares it describes it exactly.
What ever I do will not be a full solution.
So do I go the chemical or the natural way? Knowing that either will only alleviate part of the problem.
I would rather go the no chemical route, or just paracetamol. Better for stomach, better for inner child and her mind.
Can I cope doing so when days and nights merge in a red hot maelstrom of hurt, discomfort and pain?
Did I mention pain?
Nights are extremely long when you don't or can't sleep. There aren't as many distractions as the day holds. I can't distract myself in the night with reading, knitting or the like. I do have to try to get some form of rest after all.
My weary body calls out for rest, relief and cessation of the eternal pain.
What to do, what to do.
Watch this space. I WILL crack it some day.
After all it has only been half a century or more of this.
I can cope.
I can fight.
I am not giving up, no not me.
I can't.
I won't
You can't make me.

A Mohair jacket give away and Status Quo

I've decided to give away the mohair Elsewhere jacket I made. I love it but I decided it was time to send something out into the world and to give something back. The jacket is that something. It is large and will easily fit someone size 20 and above.
It is large on me as you can see. I haven't worn it, I just tried it on for the photos.
It is definitely a unique piece and no one else will have anything quite like it I am sure.
If you would like to be considered for it please add a comment here. I'll choose a winner on Lammas, which is this Saturday.
I'm still experiencing a lot of pain and discomfort so my reading and commenting on blogs has been limited. I'm too sore to do much of it so I'm hibernating somewhat.
I've been trying to get tickets for Status Quo at Glastonbury for Mr Mog's birthday. He loves the Quo and I wanted to try and surprise him with tickets. Sadly they were all sold out very quickly and I haven't managed to find any anywhere. Ebay has had them at horrendous prices, too rich for me.
So its back to the drawing board for ideas for this momentous birthday he is having. Then next oncology appointment is next week and it is always a worrying time until we have seen the consultant. Mr Mog does seem to be doing well though for which I am grateful.
I've not been very creative lately, the pain seems to stop the muse visiting much, I don't think she likes to see me in this way.
It is part of the balance that we have within our lives, can't all be a high there has to be a low to balance things out. The trick is to remember that and treat the low points as positive things to work through. Not to let it beat you. Or in this case, me:)

Did you miss me?

I'm back in the land of the blogging although it will be sporadic. I think I may need to have one of those banners, BWO (blogging without obligation)
I am not well my pain threshold has been reached and passed more times than I chose to think about. I did enjoy the trip to the Isle of Man with my daughter and grandsons, it has been so long since I last visited and it was good. I didn't sleep much while away and I'm catching up now.
We had 3 nights there and it was excellent. The hotel was top class and we had a room with balcony overlooking the harbour. This was our birthday treat from DD , a thoughtful gift and one we appreciated.
I haven't done much knitting, not been well enough to. Same reason I haven't blogged, it hurts too much most of the time.
Lammas is approaching and despite it being a festival of harvest I always think of it as a dark festival as well.
It is the end of the light half of the year and beginning of the dark half and as far as I am concerned that means death in one form to allow rebirth.
My moon card was death yesterday and at first I shivered at what it could mean.
When common sense returned I realised it is tied in with Lammas and also with the dark moon, beginning of new moon.
I used to fear the death card in tarot and in my moon cards, superstition and ignorance as I hadn't thought through the death/rebirth cycle.
We can't have rebirth or new growth without saying goodbye to something. It is a balancing act.
So what does this increased pain show? Does it say even more loss of mobility will bring in something and if so what? Will it be good or bad?
All very mysterious and I'm not ok with it by any means. I think it is the out of my control aspect that I mainly dislike. I want to feel in control of all my life and I know that isn't feasible but I can still want it:)
So Lammas approaching then. How will you celebrate it?
I don't know what we will do, I'm leaving it flexible and in the hands of the Goddess how she wants me to celebrate this year.

bright colours distract from pain

The garden remodelling is going great. Mr Mog has excelled himself today.
Here you see a shot towards the shed and Mr Mogs new project an outdoor model railway
behind the trellis panel is another angular bed and next to that his shed and outdoor rail start. The intention is to run the trains around the garden when complete. Watch this space.
I went outside to check on progress and had to take a couple more pictures of the flowers.


The lavatera is flowering well now, I think all the rain and sun have helped.
As is the fabulous crocosmia, just look at the colours on this.
The yellow loosestrife is in full bloom and I loved the little pink weed popping its head up amongst the gold. We will be keeping it.
Another shot of the crocosmia just because.
I find that when pain is really unbearable bright vivid colour helps. Going out into the back garden even if for a short spell lifts the spirit and fills my heart with hope.

This n that

We(Mr Mog) are remodelling the garden. We visited friends for dinner Saturday evening and they have transformed their garden. Naturally I came away full of enthusiasm to do something with ours. It was made easy access mainly gravel when we moved in and some of that was for me but also some for the grandsons. They are growing up and don't play out as such and I only need easy paths to the 2 seating areas. That means we can revamp:)

I had all tubs down the side you see and none matched. The aim is to have one long tub to the seat and angular ones each end. Trellis to stop you looking straight down the garden.



Not bad going Mr Mog for just a few short hours. The tubs won't be staying there we will be filling up with soil and planting directly into it. The royal we of course. I help with the ideas, Mr Mog does the physical labour.
What have I been doing?
This.

It is growing quite speedily now and I'm ready to start knitting the sleeves since this picture was taken. 1 sleeve purple, one green I'm thinking.
Not done a lot past couple of days as I have been exceedingly sore.
Weather has cooled down and we have had quite a bit of rain this week, saves watering the garden.

But I'm not an artist story about regaining confidence

This was a story I wrote some years ago, it was sent to a magazine for publication along with the items I made to go with it. Sadly they misplaced it and I never got the artwork back.They didn't print it either, I wrote and sent it because I'd finally realised that I was my own person, thanks to the fabulous Mr Mog giving me the confidence to believe in myself. I replaced all the years of being put down and being told I was no good with someone telling me that I was wonderful and I could do whatever I set out to do.
Luckily for me I kept a copy of the story. So here it is.

But I'm not an artist. (copyright amber moggie)

I can't be an artist, I don't have the space.
I can't draw, I certainly can't paint.
Where would I put the supplies? Its a messy business.
I'd never be able to create anything good.
I can't be an artist, who'd want to look at my work? Its not good enough.
I'm amateurish, don't have the talent. I can't be an artist.

Whats that? Its my journal. Yes of course you may look.
It is just bits and pieces I've done over the past year. Not for public view because I'm not an artist you know.
What? Oh that page I created when I had been really sore.

My pain day. It had all been too much and I needed to get it out of my head and on to the page. Give it its moment of power and then lock it away. Yes the colours do make you think of pain. That was my idea to show the effect it has on me. Thank you I am glad you like it.

That one?
I created that when my mother died last December. I was in a Capolan exchange which had the brief "mourning the things we've lost" I needed to make something to show the grief I felt for my mum. We had only recently become close and it was for too short a time. I made the doll with a blank face to reflect the emptiness I felt inside. The clothes were mourning weeds like widows used to wear. It helped me to come to terms with mums death. I keep it on the cabinet which is my personal altar.
Yes you can look, feel free to pick anything up and examine it.
Thank you, I'm glad you like what I've made although I'm not an artist really.

That? A box I made for another swap.
Based on the museum of purgatory. It represents the collection of one of the souls there. I called her Ygraine La Paz. It contains figures she has collected through her life and from them we find out a little about her. You are very kind to admire it. I did enjoy sponging the different colours on it. I wanted a rich aged effect. The stamp? Yes it just seemed to bring the box together. The woman represent Ygraine. Oh no, I wouldn't call myself an artist, just someone who enjoys creating stuff.
That one?

That is an inspiration card I created for another swap. A quotes deck. I loved the quote and thought it very apt for myself. I have to imagine I can do a thing to dare to have a go . This stamp of the meditating woman fits the theme and all around her is what she aims for. It is just a little thing I put together. It wasn't easy as I'm only just learning how to use the computer with my artwork.

That one? That is my first fetish doll. I saw an item on making them in a 'zine and decided to have a go. That is the result. It has a lot of meaning for me because the twigs are from a tree in front of our house. An ash tree I loved to watch each morning from my bed. Where all the birds gathered reminding us to fill the bird table. One morning a man came with a chainsaw to cut it down. His reason? The roots may affect houses, the leaves are a nuisance. When he left I gathered some of the twigs to make a remembrance object. She is my tribute. The material is an old shirt stamped with my favourite images. Well it has been good to see you again and thank you for admiring my pieces. But, please, do remember

I'm not an artist.

I wrote this during my morning pages in April 2000. So yes BW sometimes I use what is in my pages. Primarily though they are to get rid of all the dross in your head first thing in the morning before your conscious has kicked in. At least that is how I look at it:) I've been doing them for 10 years now, not all the time but most of it. I've got all the journals I've written in and occasionally read through them. They are nothing special just A5 books with lines as I don't write straight otherwise:) They aren't meant to be for others to see as it is a place to scribble.

What I do find now on looking back at this story, I make all my femmes with blank faces because I feel it reflects the inner you. Back then I used to put faces on them all so doing a blank face doll was quite different for me.
I am so sad they lost the artwork I sent as I'd have loved to show you the rest because;-

I AM AN ARTIST