Update , it's been a long while.

so sorry to be missing, life has been exceedingly fraught to say the least. Mr Mogs cancer has spread and is now in his neck and nervous system. His tongue is paralysed at the left side and his face has dropped at same side. A form of Bells Palsy. He takes more care  speaking as his speech is slurred a little, especially when he is tired. Swallowing is now becoming difficult and food has to be mashed up or smaller morsels.
He recently spent just under a week in our local hospice for pain management  and they were fabulous. Mr Mog had already been attending day hospice once a week since the summer so it wasn't a completely strange experience.  He now has fentanil pain patches alongside oxynorm liquid as required. He also takes 4 gms of paracetamol a day and 900mg gabapentin 3 times a day.
Last Monday he was discharged from hospice and Monday evening/Tuesday morning had a fall in the bathroom . I struggled to help him, I managed to get him sat on the toilet but couldn't move him back to bed due to my health stuff plus his left leg not cooperating. I rang Hospice at home and district nurses both of whom were answerphone so ended up ringing 111 for an ambulance. With hindsight I should just have phoned 999 but at 1-30 in the morning my brain wasn't thinking straight. Ambulance men were wonderful and got him into bed. When they did his obs his temperature was very high. They rang primary care doctor to come and check him over but he refused. He kept saying sepsis to them even when they explained that Mr Mogs wishes were no hospital unless acute (I.e. Fractures) Mr Mog reluctantly agreed to go to hospital. In the meantime as they got him ready to transport Marie Curie rang us and they too tried to get primary care doctor to come out to no avail. I should just add that the centre they come from is just 2 minutes drive away.  They had to take Mr Mog to city hospital. He spent 5 hours on trolley. After 4 hours I was so upset seeing his pain I burst into tears. The sister took me out for a cup of tea and I think expedited the doctor examining him. He agreed it was chest infection. Gave Mr M a drip of antibiotics then sent him home with more to take orally. The kind ambulance men had moved us up in the queue to the resuscitation area at A&E as current wait otherwise was heading up to 9 hours apparently. Trouble with the resuscitation area was that while we were there 2 people passed away sadly. Fortunately Mr M didn't notice but I did hence the tears.
He is a lot better now from the chest infection but very frail and things are obviously getting worse.
When we got the news the cancer had spread Mr M decided to organise his funeral. So he did, or should I say I am doing under his instructions. He wants a cardboard coffin and cremation and his ashes to go in our friends garden in the village we used to live in as we were happiest there and still call it home. Our friend said she would be honoured. He wants it to be a celebration of his life with lots of colour and bells.
He thought a patchwork covering Autumn shades  for the coffin would be good and it has snowballed with friends all over the world making a square  or two.he also wants bells. Those who know us will remember that he always has a couple of tiny bells attached to his jeans. He started it when the grandsons were tiny  but has continued it. Friends think it's so I can keep track of where he is;) Friend in Surrey is coordinating it and arranging the stitching, then other friends are organising the transporting up to us via several stages. What has been so humbling and amazing is that as people signed up to make squares they have been saying  where they met us , or how they know us, or why they are using the yarn etc.  Lots of people have been messaging to say it has made them discuss their funeral arrangements with one another also.
So I think that's where we are today. Each day is precious, very precious and as Mr Mog said now he has the after death organised he can enjoy the now. A good way I think - don't you?
Ps Mr M has also chosen  some of his music. A track from sacred spirit cd and Rocking all over the world by Status Quo who are his favourite group:)

Thoughts

 Life has been hectic, not always in a good way

It seems to have been a constant round of medical things and appointments. If it hasn't been Macmillan, it's been hospice at home, or doctor or district nurses. Add in palliative pain clinic and you can see where the days went to.

Most of these things are being set in place for when needed and it's reassuring to know. But it got so every day seemed to have something going on.

We have settled down a little now though and are trying to enjoy the days. We were hoping to go to Wonderwool in Wales this weekend but it's too far and will be too exhausting for Mr Mog so we made the decision to stay at home. Both of us very sad as we love meeting up with friends at the wool festivals.

Mr Mog now goes to the day hospice one day a week which gives me a day , well 10 until 3, to do my own thing. I am now driving all the time as Mr M is not allowed behind the wheel, something that upset him greatly as he loved driving..

I've not been knitting much as wrists are still fragile but I have been playing in my art journal as you can see. It gives me a good deal of satisfaction to splash paint and glue about. 

I never have anything in mind when I start but prefer to see "what if"

Health wise Mr Mog is not doing too bad, very weary and sore but no worse than he was. We know it can't last but are enjoying the now. He has put some weight back on which is good. I've lost some more and that's not a bad thing for me either.

So what have you lot been up to? 

Better day:)

Mr Mog slept last night and wasn't sick or today thankfully which gives meds a chance. Thanks everyone for all the cards, phone calls and online messages they have really helped us both.
I've been distracting myself;)

 The darker pictures are more true to life, it's hard to get accurate snaps this time of year.

The key box was donated by a friend and will be going to another friend for her Yule gift.

Cancer update 2

A bad few days for Mr Mog after the radiotherapy. Ended up on oramorph Friday plus lax drinks to counter the effects of it and anti sickness pills. Friday was ok and relatively pain free but  yesterday was terrible with lots of vomiting (mr Mog) and tears both of us. He wasn't going to have any more oramorph but had a little last night and managed to sleep. Today he was sick from lunch time and has spent the day in bed. It will be an early phone call to the GP when the surgery opens. Only drugs he would take are paracetamol which obviously don't cut it.

Keeping on keeping on - just. Ps lots of pictures

It has been a while hasn't it? I didn't mean to be absent so long, sorry. How have things been with you? Good I hope?

It's been a mixed kind of time for us chez Moggie.

I made cards again. This was my first venture into cards in a long while. I thought Samhain was a good time to start.

 I played with boxes, paint and stuff from the craft drawers.

I found it therapeutic stencilling, glueing and painting.

Not sure who for, but it was the doing that was important.

Close ups - just because

 

I knit a sock on our visits to oncology

I did a shawl for a swap and a cowl for a swap. Then decided maybe I ought to knit a cowl for me

I did another box, just because I wanted to

I spent lots of time this past couple of weeks at doctors with Mr Mog

Trying to find the right painkiller combination as the back pain moved from lower back to under the shoulder blades and was so painful that breathing in hurt

We spent Monday at the ambulatory care unit at the local hospital while they did tests to see why painkillers weren't helping.

Chest X-ray, ecg and blood tests came back ok, apart from the White blood cells being raised

Doctor decided not to do scans as Mr Mog is at oncology this next week 

We went back to doctors for different painkillers as yet again they were only taking the edge off the pain.

We went back again yesterday for more drugs and these helped a little more. 

But night wasn't good so today doctor added in diazepam to help with muscle  spasms.

We wait for Tuesday, wondering if the cancer has moved again. It's going to be a long weekend

But friends are due to visit and that will help. Laughter is a great distraction and knowing people care. The doctor is wonderful, an old fashioned type of caring doctor .one who has asked us to ring him after oncology to let him know how we are and what has happened.

Isnt that good? 

Watch this space and please send all the vibes you can, they will be very gratefully received.

Thank you

Of moons and magpies

I love magpies  and they are one of my totems or that's how I think of them.

I used to be afraid of seeing them when I was much younger. I thought it was bad luck. If I saw one I searched for ages to find a second to neutralise the bad luck. Then I did a lot of meditating on my fears around magpies and decided perhaps my fears were telling me something. That maybe magpie was telling me to face my fears, rather than run away. Also magpies are brightly plumaged , I love a spot of colour in my own outfits. They use that colour and I too use my colours to shield , to lift my spirits when I feel low.

Once I thought it through I knew magpies were part of my life and as such I always greet them whenever one is to be seen.

We have always had lots around chez Moggie and at this time of year we normally see three together on the roof, in the garden and quite often tapping hallo on the conservatory roof as they did this morning. Mr Mog took these pictures for me when the magpies landed on the aerial over the road

Aren't they stunning birds? And yes I know they eat a lot of young birds but nature isn't always sweetness and light sadly.

Last night was the super moon and the lunar eclipse as I am sure most people were aware of. These pictures were taken before the eclipse. Around midnight . I did get up at 3-30 but couldn't see anything from front or back of the house and to have gone outside would have woken Mr Mog. He isn't sleeping very well with this sore back and to be honest neither am I. I think I am worrying a little more than normal and night time, or early morning, is when it is at its worst. So I didn't go out to watch the eclipse but could feel the energies waxing and waning all through the night. 

It feels almost as though a weight has been lifted today. I have felt almost giddy with the lack of pressure on my head. I am hoping that the energies have changed and that we have a better dark half of the year. I hope you do too.

I've been looking at all the incredible pictures around the web of the eclipse, truly magical and awe inspiring.

How was it with you?

Today I have been painting 2 small canvases with gesso ready to collage things on them to creat an underwater scene. I haven't felt like spinning for a few days and my knitting has been on a shawl for a swap I am in.

Once it's finished and the receiver has opened her parcel I will post pictures. I am quite pleased with progress but getting a little worried that my handspun may run out before the pattern is completed. It will be a close run thing.

New year greetings

Belated greetings sorry I have been missing. Happy New Year to everyone and I hope this new year brings you creativity, joy and good health.

Have been pretty busy but not sure what with. Two months plus has been lost to viruses. Starting just days after the flu injection for both of us and suspiciously like flu they didn't want to leave us. We only have the flu jab because Mr Mogs oncologist strongly suggested he should as his immune system is now challenged. But after this two months neither of us will be having it again. We both had antibiotics, 3 lots for me and steroids - 1 lot for Mr Mog but both still have snuffles. Mr Mog also had to go and see doctor as he wasn't too well and has now had chest X-ray which was clear and is awaiting ECG and bloods this Friday. But we are both enjoying each day although a spell of proper winter weather would be much appreciated.

Oh and I am now the recipient of my pension today;)

 I have been playing and made a new Goddess Altar.

I have also been spinning

Did you miss me? very long post

its been a long while since I blogged, too long I think. I've just been reading 2 blogs ,blogs that I have followed for many moons.
 Both had inspired me to start my own. This was a time when blogging was very new and not many people wrote them. I collected a reading list as time went on and some (a few) are still here but the rest have long gone sadly. As Antoinette says, we have an instant world now, Pinterest Twitter facebook all snippets and sound bites but no substance to it. I wasn't sure I would ever blog again time seemed to pass and I did other things, read other things. Got on with life stuff.
But I miss musing on paper, or what passes for paper. So let's see how it goes.
How about a small snapshot of what has been going on since we last spoke ? No particular order on the pictures as I am being lazy;) So here goes

 Autumn now. And a trip to a local garden centre for lunch gave me chance to capture pictures of these glorious acers at their best.

July saw me going back into hospital, this time to resurface the kneecap on the same knee that was replaced last year. the consultant  told me that it was a 50/50 chance of removing pain but a chance I had to take. Sadly it hasn't worked and the pain is worse if anything. Ah well there were some consolations.

lots of flowers came to greet my return from hospital 

Going into hospital a friend insisted I borrowed her tiny drop spindle. "You need to spin in hospital "she said.

so I did and I knit socks

One of the things on my bucket list has always been to ride the Settle to Carlisle railway line
I anticipated just being able to do that but a very dear friend arranged a birthday surprise for me (us)

A return trip from Lancaster to Carlisle on the Fellsman steam train Not only that but first class with breakfast and dinner silver service. a trip of a lifetime and we both loved it:) The journey encompasses the Settle Carlisle section and we travelled through some stunning countryside.Everywhere you looked there were people at the side of the line taking pictures or just waving to us.

Mr Mog goes to a railway club a couple of times a week and the enthusiasts there kept on about a Black 5 steam engine and hoping he would be lucky enough to travel on a train pulled by this engine. as you can see he was:)

Everywhere you looked there were people at the side of the line taking pictures or just waving to us.

 At Appleby there were vintage buses waiting to take people for a cruise on Ullswater. they would meet us on the way back.

 these flowers were on every table in first class and we were requested to take them home at the end of the journey.

 I think the engine driver was enjoying himself.

 Carlisle looked quite magnificent in the August sunshine

 I love this reflection

 Taking on water

 All these pictures were taken with my little fuji camera from a moving train so I am very pleased with how they turned out.

 these remind me of gravestones, I wonder if they are too help keep back the snow from the railway line in winter?

 set up for dinner on the return journey

 so many people enjoying the trains journey

 the wagon driver stopping to take a photograph.

 even a solitary cameraman

So the birthdays. Mr Mogs birthday celebrations lasted a week. It was a milestone and needed to be celebrated:) So the week started with open house on Sunday  for family and friends. 

This was the first cake:) purchased from supermarket last minute as it was a sudden thought of mine to have a cake. decorations from Mr Mogs collection;)

many many cards and gifts arrived on the actual day .

This was the second cake, made by eldest grandson for the actual day. it was very tasty also:)

Cake the third was made by a friend of ours for the following weekend when we attended a wool event in Cheshire and more friends and family came to help him celebrate:)

It has a bicycle as Mr Mog has been a lifelong cyclist, bells because, as those who know him can recall, he always has bells on the bottom of his trousers. started when grandsons were young as a joke but has continued. At least I always know where he is;) Cats for obvious reasons and knitting as our friend couldn't find a spinning wheel:) The cake went very quickly.
Week after was my birthday and Mr Mog surprised me with a cake made by the same friend and first cake I have had since my wedding.

Again lots of elements that reflect me.

my cards:) 

There has been creativity

and storing the tastes of summer and autumn. Lots of strawberry gin and vodka, blackberry gin and vodka, raspberry gin and vodka. also plum brandy, damson gin on the go as i couldn't find sloes. there are blackberries and damsons awaiting turning into wine. first time I will have made wine in over 15 years I think. Hope it turns out ok. watch this space. this picture shows just a small taste of whats stored.

There always has to be shawl knitting of course:) This one I spun the yarn and knit the shawl. Fibre was BFL and Silk from Freyalyns fibre on easy Colourway is silver skies.

And always socks, hospital knitting continues apace and I have found a new love for socks. look at this fabulous yarn. Doesn't it lift the spirits ? Mr Mog loves wearing these. The yarn is Regia  Fluormania,  colour way is rainbow in case you hadn't guessed.

More socks.

Current knitting also bright. a shawl in Solstice yarns changeling

Colourway Dream of India and I am afraid I don't know the purple colour ways name.

So current stuff? Mr Mogs PSA is up a little so he has ct and bone scans booked for Monday, hopefully no bad news. He continues to amaze me  with his positivity and long may that continue.
Phew going to try and get back into the rhythm of blog writing. I do enjoy it. Hope you are all well.
Thanks Antoinette for rekindling the flame:)