Time goes too fast

Mr Mog is out of hospital, he ended up staying 5 days and came home with a back brace. He has to wear it all the time he is out of bed because his discs are collapsing. He has lost over 5inches in height and going on for 3 stone in weight loss. He has no appetite and is on fortisips from doctor . He can only taste citrus or spicy flavours . Jelly is a favourite breakfast. He is eating a fraction of what he did so the drinks help to provide essential nutrients. We have been assessed by Macmillan and a plan of sorts has been created. Mr Mog does not want to go back into hospital and they have decided that if (when) he needs more care it will be Hospice at Home. Occupational therapists have brought some essential stools etc for washing. He had a very relaxing hand massage at our local cancer centre on Monday and I had counselling . It helped to talk to someone who wasn't family or friends as sometimes I feel I am dropping all my fears and tears on to them. Next week is palliative pain clinic Monday followed by oncology Tuesday . Mr Mog is going to tell oncologist he doesn't want any more radiotherapy ,or at this stage, radium.
I am driving , Mr Mog hasn't to drive now he has the back brace. Not that he can as he is very wobbly and not quite with it a lot of the time. The drugs I suspect play a big part in that.
We have discussed apres death plans. He thought he might like his ashes taken to Glastonbury but then decided the Lake District was the place for him as he has spent so much time there cycling. He has given away his 2 cycles to family members and that was very upsetting as he has cycled all his life. But he didn't want to keep them as a reminder of what was. I've persuaded him to change his model rail layout as he had planned. So he sold all his OO gauge trains and vehicles to fund an extension to his O gauge layout. It's been wonderful to see him planning tracks etc. We all need hope , it helps on low days.
We have also planned a bucket list of things Mr Mog would like to do. Zoo visits, Glastonbury and Scotland to see old friends are all on it.  I am encouraging him to think of others.
So that's where we are now.
I have very painful carpal tunnel in both wrists/hands. It has been keeping me awake. I've now got wrist splints and I am having more steroid injections as soon as there is space in clinic. I can't have operations, how would I care for Mr M or use my crutches during the recovery period?
Sorry no crafts to show. My heart hasn't been in it.

Cancer update latest

mr Mog had MRI today. He has been rushed to specialist neurological unit. He has lesions on his spine and possible spinal cord compression. Oncology, neurology and spinal cord people will have meeting in the morning to discuss and decide treatment. More as I know it.

Cancer update

it's a long time between posts, I am so sorry but life is pretty awful at the minute. Mr Mog has been poorly for lack of a better word. Oncology was last Tuesday . Oncologist decided not to carry on with chemo as he has been so ill. Huge relief  but tinged with worry for both of us. She decided that Mr Mog would have radium223 otherwise known as Xofigo. 6 treatments and 4 weeks apart. This is purely for pain but apparently some times can prolong life a little. She warned it could be 4-5 weeks before first treatment but in the event radiotherapy rang as we Got back to our friend Ms home and offered tomorrow for first treatment. As we had just booked a night away in Liverpool for tonight we weren't sure what to do. They said it was no problem and it's been rescheduled for next Wednesday . Mr M was desperate to have a night in Liverpool at our favourite hotel so our dear friend M agreed to go with us for moral support and help as she was formerly a ward sister. I think the thought of Liverpool has kept Mr M going. Last Thursday he had to see doctor and is now on another course of antibiotics as his chest infection wouldn't go away. He has lost more weight and is now just 10 and half stone:( he is on fortisips to try and gain some weight. We got to Liverpool but I am not sure if I wish we hadn't come or am glad we did. He is shattered, can barely walk and is so so tired and sore. I suspect this may be our final trip away and it breaks my heart to see him so frail. Tomorrow we go home and on Wednesday Macmillan nurses are coming to see us. Doctor has ordered a special mattress for Mr M as he now has pressure sores starting on both hips. Last week we saw palliative care consultant at the hospice go tweak his medication. Trouble is the pain relief is not quite cutting it, the pain breaks through mainly in the day. He sleeps fairly heavily once he gets to sleep. He is sleeping much more in the day now as well. We have been truly blessed with incredible friends and family who ring, visit, email and send cards. Lots of online friends also who we have never met.
For this I am truly grateful.
I have cried for Britain, I feel so desperately sad seeing the man I love so ill.

Chemo update

Second chemo was 2 weeks ago.  Mr Mog has been quite poorly. They had to take him in to hospital the week after chemo with a very high temperature and infection. He was in 3 days  on drips, oxygen and antibiotics. Slept around 22 hours out of the 24.  They decided the infection was inconclusive and as his temperature had returned to normal they sent him home last Tuesday.
Wednesday night he was very rattly breathing and on Thursday doctor came to visit and sent him back into hospital with suspected pneumonia and very low oxygen levels. It was confirmed it was pneumonia so he was put on antibiotics , stronger ones and on oxygen (again)  the first time in hospital was good, staff were excellent and pain relief adequate.
This time was totally different and I will be complaining. Pain relief was abysmal, no regular drug rounds and I frequently had to chase nurses for his medication as he was in agony. Friday  the drugs were non existent til I arrived mid morning and eventually were given. Afternoon ones took several hours to get as they kept giving excuses. Friday night they were moving him to a ward and he rang me at 10 then said he would have to put phone down as they were taking him to ward. 11pm he rang in tears, not been moved and was sat on end of bed as they had taken all his bedding. They finally moved him at midnight in tears. Saturday was a usual fight for the drugs he needed. Sunday there was a very nasty nurse on. Usual fight for drugs and at lunch time while I was trying to persuade Mr Mog to eat a little( he has lost a lot of weight) she came up swooshed the curtains round the bed and said it was restricted meal time and I shouldn't be there. As I was trying to persuade him to have a little soup I most certainly wasn't moving. After the hour I got up and opened curtains as Mr Mog was struggling with lack of air.  In the afternoon our friends came and we had usual fight for drugs. Eventually ward manager came and gave Mr Mog what he needed. Not sure if she had a word with nurse but for a short while she was almost human. At half four she came over to us and said we all had to leave visiting was finished. Now bear in mind I normally stayed all day until 8pm, our friends asked did it mean I had to go and she said yes all of us. Yesterday I got there for 9am as palliative pain specialist was supposed to be coming to see  Mr M. Still no pain relief when I got there . At 10-
45 they were bringing some drugs when consultant came with pain people so drugs delayed. He agreed that Mr Mog could go home if oxygen levels ok. They have upped the pain relief.
 He is weary, not eating and things are not at their best.
Oh and discharge diagnosis? Hospital acquired pneumonia. Obviously caught on first visit. I have picked up a viral infection, presume in the same spot.
That's where we are up to.

Happy Solstice

Happy Solstice, merry Yule and may the returning light bring with it joy, healing and creativity.

I made these cards for an exchange I am in but thought it would do perfectly for my Solstice card.

I haven't sent any cards ,apart from one to Mr Mogs mother. We decided to donate to the chemo unit instead as they do such a sterling job.

So chemo. Mr Mog had his first treatment last Tuesday. The week before was awful , so many tears shed by both of us. Most of them through fear of the Unknown. We didn't know what to expect.

On the day itself our friend drove us to the unit and told us to phone when we were ready to  come home. Once the chemo nurse greeted us and took us to the unit it all became much less worrying.

They were so friendly and helpful. Explained everything that was going to happen to Mr Mog. Gave us a short DVD to watch which explained even more. As they started to prepare him for the drip they told Mr M that they would stop anytime he felt uncomfortable or if he wasn't sure of anything. They made us both a cup of tea and brought biscuits then showed us where to find more drinks hot and cold. It took around 4 hours for this first appointment but we were told subsequent ones would be less.

The week since has not been good. We have had doctor out several times and I had to ring the chemo helpline both days over the weekend as Mr Mog was constantly burping and being sick. He was given different  anti sickness tablets and they seem to have helped. He has been very tired and last night was in bed before 9. Today he is asleep now at 9 also.  But he was still not good this morning and had a very sore mouth and throat. Our GP came and has prescribed drops as it is thrush.  It's frightening and worrying to see such a vibrant man looking so frail and poorly. I hope the chemo helps him. His next appointment is 5th January . All healing thoughts are gratefully received. Thank you.

btw the magpies came to visit morning after chemo as they do most days. As for the bunny that came with the online purchase of a thermometer. Totally unexpected. The package said for your child;)

Cancer update

radiotherapy didn't help. New drugs (abiraterone )  didn't either. Oncology appointment was last Tuesday as I brought it forward a week due to Mr Mogs dreadful pain and deterioration. Chemotherapy has now been offered and starts on Tuesday so long as Monday's blood tests allow. The appointment was awful, Mr Mog collapsed due to the shock I think and his blood pressure dropped incredibly low. It took a while to bring him round with the help of sweet tea. Hoping the chemo helps him as he cant stand for very long, can't walk more than a few steps without needing to catch his breath. Hard to believe the deterioration in just a few short weeks. I suspect Yule will be a somber affair. We aren't sending Yule cards this year but instead we are making a donation to the oncology centre. One good point in it all, we have a fantastic doctor. He is sadly only with the surgery until summer as he is a registrar doing a while with GP. He is an absolute star, he has visited most days to avoid Mr Mog needing to go to surgery and has continually tweaked the pain medication to try and ease the pain. Today's visit he again increased the drugs for Mr Mog. He always mentions how lovely the house is and how wonderfully it smells. I think he likes visiting us;)

Better day:)

Mr Mog slept last night and wasn't sick or today thankfully which gives meds a chance. Thanks everyone for all the cards, phone calls and online messages they have really helped us both.
I've been distracting myself;)

 The darker pictures are more true to life, it's hard to get accurate snaps this time of year.

The key box was donated by a friend and will be going to another friend for her Yule gift.

Cancer update 2

A bad few days for Mr Mog after the radiotherapy. Ended up on oramorph Friday plus lax drinks to counter the effects of it and anti sickness pills. Friday was ok and relatively pain free but  yesterday was terrible with lots of vomiting (mr Mog) and tears both of us. He wasn't going to have any more oramorph but had a little last night and managed to sleep. Today he was sick from lunch time and has spent the day in bed. It will be an early phone call to the GP when the surgery opens. Only drugs he would take are paracetamol which obviously don't cut it.

Radiotherapy update

scan and radiotherapy done. We are home and Mr Mog is very sore with itchy burning skin. E45 is coming in very handy

Sock knitting/oncology again

Yesterday was oncology. Mr Mog was prodded and questioned on pain etc. A decision was made

Scan and a blast of radiotherapy today but higher area than last times marathon.

Sock knitting continues. The scan has been done we are now waiting for his radiotherapy session.

Oncologist has been to check the scans and give us both huge hugs. 

She is a star and always puts us at ease despite the anxiety. We are lucky to have her as Mr Mogs oncologist.

Mr M has to have a tablet prior as the area being done can cause nausea. We have been told that there can be a sore throat and possible inflammation of the lungs. The pain will probably be worse before it improves:(. 

But it's treatment and that's the positive thing.

Vibes are always appreciated.

Thank you

Keeping on keeping on - just. Ps lots of pictures

It has been a while hasn't it? I didn't mean to be absent so long, sorry. How have things been with you? Good I hope?

It's been a mixed kind of time for us chez Moggie.

I made cards again. This was my first venture into cards in a long while. I thought Samhain was a good time to start.

 I played with boxes, paint and stuff from the craft drawers.

I found it therapeutic stencilling, glueing and painting.

Not sure who for, but it was the doing that was important.

Close ups - just because

 

I knit a sock on our visits to oncology

I did a shawl for a swap and a cowl for a swap. Then decided maybe I ought to knit a cowl for me

I did another box, just because I wanted to

I spent lots of time this past couple of weeks at doctors with Mr Mog

Trying to find the right painkiller combination as the back pain moved from lower back to under the shoulder blades and was so painful that breathing in hurt

We spent Monday at the ambulatory care unit at the local hospital while they did tests to see why painkillers weren't helping.

Chest X-ray, ecg and blood tests came back ok, apart from the White blood cells being raised

Doctor decided not to do scans as Mr Mog is at oncology this next week 

We went back to doctors for different painkillers as yet again they were only taking the edge off the pain.

We went back again yesterday for more drugs and these helped a little more. 

But night wasn't good so today doctor added in diazepam to help with muscle  spasms.

We wait for Tuesday, wondering if the cancer has moved again. It's going to be a long weekend

But friends are due to visit and that will help. Laughter is a great distraction and knowing people care. The doctor is wonderful, an old fashioned type of caring doctor .one who has asked us to ring him after oncology to let him know how we are and what has happened.

Isnt that good? 

Watch this space and please send all the vibes you can, they will be very gratefully received.

Thank you