April 15, 2006

Too much death, not enough joy

Too long without writing. Many deaths in friends and acquaintances this past few weeks. Some expected, some not but none of them easy. Death such a short word for such an awful feeling for those left behind. Latest one was expected, a dear friend in her 90s with a brain tumour, mother of my best friend. She has been fighting for several months now, a tiny creature, frail but with such spirit and strength within. I salute you M, your children aren't the only ones who will miss you.
This past few weeks have been such turmoil, all the thoughts on moving to Scotland, leaving this house that I thought I'd never want to leave. I still don't and if we could magically pick it up and take it up to Scotland that would be perfect. Alas not in this world:) Still the one we want to move to is lovely, within forests, mountains and by water. A small garden or as much as Mr Moggie will want to do after this 90 foot one here. He will be able to still grow veg and herbs but on a smaller scale. Means he will have more time for his cycling and a better area for mountain biking. Where we are now is flat.
A couple of people want to rent the house if we leave which is good. So we've had this move on our minds and its not a firm date yet til the people in the house find something for them. That could be this week or 6 months. Goddess makes you wait for good stuff I've found. Maybe to see how keen we are on the move.
Then there is the deaths, then my health no better. Leg is very swollen all the time now and aches so much even or especially when I'm in bed.
I've worried over leaving my son, will he cope? But I can't live is life for him so maybe this move will help him to have to stand on his own 2 feet. My daughter will be fine she is fiercely independent. My grandsons I'll miss being so close to them but they can come for a week at a time in the holidays and they are growing up and becoming less reliant on nanny moggie.
So flux, a lot of it is the time of the year. Spring Equinox always seems to bring stuff with it. I always get itchy feet then as well and want to be outside in the woods or on the beach as much as I can, just to feel the turn of the wheel within my body and within my blood. To feel the wind and the sun vying for my body's attention. To see the birds making their nests. To watch the frog spawn on the garden pools now turning into tadpoles. The full moon Thursday was incredible, so vivid and clear. The tawny owl went over as we stood outside basking in the moonlight. The bats have now started to dance around at dusk in the garden. Spring, the best of times even when its chaotic.
On the knitting front, I've been busy finishing off a lot of tiny bags and purses. I blocked my turqoise shawl finally and it looks and feels heavenly. I've started an afghan crochet in pale shades. Not me normally so maybe thats why?
I'm itchy to start a shawl or afghan in noro kureyon don't know what pattern though. Something to do without thought so I can meditate while my hands are busy. Oh I didn't say did I? My mediations have been brilliant since I started doing my knitting with them. I'm researching medieval and beyond use of stitchery, weaving and knitting within magic. It certainly focuses your mind if your hands are occupied.
Spells were done with cords and ribbons, think that was maybe why?


BabyLongLegs said...


Found these on eBay and thought od you!!!
Not been over for a while....good luck with the move :D
Lots of Love
Sarah xXx

Holly @Home said...

Hope you feel better soon Amber and the move goes ahead .Scotland is not far.We had to deal with parents-in-law leaving England seemingly without much care and Holly is upset and I am too .Then my friend's mother suddenly died so we are not feeling too good either.I have a passsion for shawls too..when I get a hot-flush I can slip them off easily.Because I can't do lace I make them using Kaffe's patterns .I wouldn't be without my Jack's Back shawl and am working on another then I'll do a Persian poppies.Kureyon looks lovely in moss stitch.I'm sure Mum -in-law left thinking the witch ( me) as she thought of me with all my herbs,yarns etc will be playing with that string again..why do you think creativity could be seen as mystical and evil in her eyes ? She wouldn't even wear a shawl I made for her cold arm .As if it would contain evil ..there is a lot of me in my knitting but it is love I "weave" in.Angie

Woolly Wormhead said...

You're having a ough time Amber, focus on the good things. Spring Equinox always brings such things, a time for change.

Take care, feel positive xx

Wye Sue said...

Met one of your dolls last week at Colinette, I was also allowed to rummage upstairs ;-)
I've been surrounded by death and friends moving this year (I helped reduce possessions over Easter). But things do get better, and once the move has happened you will be able to settle into a new life and think of happy times behind you. And happier times to come :-)

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