It's all about me
It is the fear of the unknown that seeps into every aspect of your life. It permeates your waking and sleeping hours and despite all your efforts it won't go away.
It just mutates and multiplies. It scares you and you have nightmares. There are " what ifs?, why us?"
there is black, black despair.
You may wonder how having an answer can lift your spirits, especially such an answer of this magnitude. But it can and it has.
Being given bad news, or having bad news confirmed, in such a calm matter of fact manner as the consultant told us is brilliant.
It focuses your mind totally. There are no " what ifs". yes there is still fear, there are many tears both inside and out.
There is railing against everything you believe in.
knowing an enemy gives you something to fight, and if you are bloody minded, (as I have been known to be:))
Then you take it as a challenge. You won't believe for a moment that they can be right. You won't let it be 12-18 months.
After all you haven't known this soulmate for near enough long enough in this life.
There is so much you need and want to say to him. To enjoy with him.
So we will need a lot longer than that together Goddess if you please.
A lot more mornings like these where I sit writing my journal, glancing across to the sleeping figure of the man I love so much.
You can't take him yet, there are things we need to do together. We need to grow old together, and laugh about our aches and pains.
So I give you fair warning these Moggies are a fighting breed of cat, especially the female of the species. That would be me.
We fight for the ones we love. We have to, they are the biggest part of what makes us who and what we are.
Yes today IS all about me.
But under that it is all about my Mr Mog.
I won't lose him yet, or for a long long while.
Thought I better insert a picture so you know there has been some knitting.