July 12, 2009

Of this and that

A strange painful week that hasn't become any easier as the week progressed. I've not been able to get much pain relief at all lately and it is a little wearing to say the least. The week has been odd but I think that has something to do with the wheel turning. I can smell and feel autumn in the air this week despite it being July. We went into the local park today and a lot of the leaves are starting to turn. Turning golden and rust coloured on the edges. The conkers are growing fast and there were a few underfoot this morning after the winds of yesterday.
I do love Autumn,it is my favourite time of the year, but that doesn't mean I want it to appear just yet. Mr Mog is steaming along on the garden revamp and it is looking very good. I've not done too much of anything, the pain seems to have sapped my creativity but I'm hopeful that my muse will return soon. She is maybe taking a holiday to recoup her creativity, who knows?
The mohair Elsewhere jacket is almost finished, I just have the borders to do now. I may have pictures tomorrow we will have to see.
I wore the aran Elsewhere this morning for the park and it felt great, I loved the effect of the shawl pin holding it together. I now want to do another aran one, dyed in autumn or fire colours I think.
I do still want to make another mohair one using clashing colours but the aran is calling first. If I can get the yarn and get it dyed I may be able to take it over to the Isle of Man with me. It would be suitable knitting for the boat. We are looking forward to visiting, I haven't been since I was 18. Mr Mog has never been. I used to be a photographers assistant on the boat that sailed daily so I went every day for a year. I loved it and enjoyed exploring the island. After all this time I am not sure how much I'll remember. I do remember fairies bridge though.
Part of the discordance has been my son. He has been struggling to keep clean from his drug addiction and the past month has lapsed a couple of times. He is aware of the problem and has asked to see a councillor once more. I am not supposed to know about the drugs, my daughter told me as we try not to have any secrets where things like this are concerned. I know my son didn't want me to know as it upsets me. He told me he was seeing a councillor but didn't say why, sometimes I don't think he realises that saying that screams out that he has a problem:) But being aware means that there is a very good chance he will keep off them once more. The problem is that he doesn't really have any interests apart from fishing, he doesn't socialise well and I know he is very lonely.
As a mother you want to put your arms round them and make things better. I know that this battle is his, not mine and I can only be there as support. I can't win it for him.
It doesn't make for good days though.
Part of being pagan for me is knowing that my pagan path is a work in progress. Working on myself and my place in this time , not changing others. Not even changing me drastically, just working with who and what I am. Part of this discordance comes through as a lesson. It says don't interfere with my son's path just be there for him. Lessons are never easy are they?

Tarot cards this week have been mixed, a state of flux and that reflects my inner self of course. I've spent more time in bed, no early mornings. My body seems to be using bed as a healing place so I'm honouring that choice and going with it.
Not an uplifting post but balance in the world means good and bad so this time you get the bad, sorry:)

9 comments:

Adee aka kiwigirl42 said...

sending positive thoughts your way. IoM is fabulous, isn't it? I've only been for the TT races though.

fibreclaireUK said...

Sending hugs to you both XXXX

Sea said...

Must be a negative thing trying to settle over the area...will join you fighting it. I may have a change of direction on my path soon, through bullying/harassment not choice. Would love to see the bullies squirm, but am not vengeful...and do not intend causing the bullies downfall...they will make their own.

Artis-Anne said...

A change of sceanery and a rest is what you need my friend and hopefully your trip will sooth your worries. Our children will always worry us and its sadly a mothers trial , I do hope he will get the right counselling and get back on track soon.
Re end of summer !! well July in Welsh means 'end of summer' so perhaps there is some truth in it :(

clarabelle said...

I think it's good that you've rationalised all this and understood your role in your son's life at the moment (though I totally understand that you want to wrap them in your arms and mother them, when things go wrong). My own kids are very close and, if something isn't going too well for one or other of them, they do the same thing - ie keep it from Mum. I would rather know.

I love your inspirational philosophy, Amber - 'just working with who and what I am'.

Best wishes to you and Mr Mog, and hope you're feeling better very soon. X

georginaznewson said...

yes - I caught a whiff of change in the wind - toooo soooon!Interesting what Anne says about July in Welsh - I know we have a short lease on summer but.....
Sorry you are suffering trials and I wish you well. I learnt a new phrase t'other day - wabi sabi. I think you might like it.

Sue Simpson aka - The Purple Pixie said...

Oh dear, dear me....what can I say. Ok you're Pagan and I'm Pagan..... and I think we know each other well enough to be able to offer guidance whether it's wanted or not.... So I'm going to ring you tonight and do what I can.
In the meantime, take rest....you so need to rest hunny...always there for everyone else.
As for your son I send him lots of love and light and will be praying for his inner strength to come through in what must be the most difficult times.
Our children are 'ALWAYS; our children no matter how old they are.
Will chat to you later love,
blessings to you both,
Sue xxx

Dorothy said...

You're a good & brave Mum, able to respect your son's wishes although it's tough.

My Mum would like to help me out with the problems I'm having at the moment, but unfortunately she can't and her attempts to help sound like she is finding fault. This is not what she intends, she wants to help, but just doesn't know & understand enough. I wish she could just accept me as I am and show some pride and confidence in me, 'cos I'll get through.

Roobeedoo said...

Oh dear. So hard to let kids find their own way, especially when they get in a real mess. But don't take on their troubles as well as your own, Amber - that is just the source of MORE pain! Hope all are feeling better soon!