June 02, 2009

But I'm not an artist story about regaining confidence

This was a story I wrote some years ago, it was sent to a magazine for publication along with the items I made to go with it. Sadly they misplaced it and I never got the artwork back.They didn't print it either, I wrote and sent it because I'd finally realised that I was my own person, thanks to the fabulous Mr Mog giving me the confidence to believe in myself. I replaced all the years of being put down and being told I was no good with someone telling me that I was wonderful and I could do whatever I set out to do.
Luckily for me I kept a copy of the story. So here it is.

But I'm not an artist. (copyright amber moggie)

I can't be an artist, I don't have the space.
I can't draw, I certainly can't paint.
Where would I put the supplies? Its a messy business.
I'd never be able to create anything good.
I can't be an artist, who'd want to look at my work? Its not good enough.
I'm amateurish, don't have the talent. I can't be an artist.

Whats that? Its my journal. Yes of course you may look.
It is just bits and pieces I've done over the past year. Not for public view because I'm not an artist you know.

What? Oh that page I created when I had been really sore.

My pain day. It had all been too much and I needed to get it out of my head and on to the page. Give it its moment of power and then lock it away. Yes the colours do make you think of pain. That was my idea to show the effect it has on me. Thank you I am glad you like it.

That one?
I created that when my mother died last December. I was in
a Capolan exchange which had the brief "mourning the things we've lost" I needed to make something to show the grief I felt for my mum. We had only recently become close and it was for too short a time. I made the doll with a blank face to reflect the emptiness I felt inside. The clothes were mourning weeds like widows used to wear. It helped me to come to terms with mums death. I keep it on the cabinet which is my personal altar.
Yes you can look, feel free to pick anything up and examine it.
Thank you, I'm glad you like what I've made although I'm not an artist really.

That? A box I made for another swap.
Based on the museum of purgatory. It represents the collection of one of the souls there. I called her
Ygraine La Paz. It contains figures she has collected through her life and from them we find out a little about her. You are very kind to admire it. I did enjoy sponging the different colours on it. I wanted a rich aged effect. The stamp? Yes it just seemed to bring the box together. The woman represent Ygraine. Oh no, I wouldn't call myself an artist, just someone who enjoys creating stuff.
That one?

That is an inspiration card I created for another swap. A quotes deck. I loved the quote and thought it very apt for myself. I have to imagine I can do a thing to dare to have a go . This stamp of the meditating woman fits the theme and all around her is what she aims for. It is just a little thing I put together. It wasn't easy as I'm only just learning how to use the computer with my artwork.

That one? That is my first fetish doll. I saw an item on making them in a 'zine and decided to have a go. That is the result. It has a lot of meaning for me because the twigs are from a tree in front of our house. An ash tree I loved to watch each morning from my bed. Where all the birds gathered reminding us to fill the bird table.
One morning a man came with a chainsaw to cut it down. His reason? The roots may affect houses, the leaves are a nuisance. When he left I gathered some of the twigs to make a remembrance object. She is my tribute. The material is an old shirt stamped with my favourite images. Well it has been good to see you again and thank you for admiring my pieces. But, please, do remember
I'm not an artist.

I wrote this during my morning pages in April 2000. So yes BW sometimes I use what is in my pages. Primarily though they are to get rid of all the dross in your head first thing in the morning before your conscious has kicked in. At least that is how I look at it:) I've been doing them for 10 years now, not all the time but most of it. I've got all the journals I've written in and occasionally read through them. They are nothing special just A5 books with lines as I don't write straight otherwise:) They aren't meant to be for others to see as it is a place to scribble.

What I do find now on looking back at this story, I make all my femmes with blank faces because I feel it reflects the inner you. Back then I used to put faces on them all so doing a blank face doll was quite different for me.
I am so sad they lost the artwork I sent as I'd have loved to show you the rest because;-
I AM AN ARTIST

3 comments:

Sue 'Poppie' Simpson said...

Oh yes you most certainly are sister...and a creator, a counsellor, confidant, wise woman, writer and soul mate. And my life is richer for having you in it. (And that beautiful spirited Mr Mog too!).
Love you both,
The Purple Pixie xxxx

Lisa said...

yes! you certainly are an artist, and an artisan with words. i feel i am learning a lot from reading your site. you are one of the wise women.

Blue Witch said...

You can be anything you want. Everyone can. It's just that most people don't realise it.

The magazine clearly didn't understand either.