On imbolc this year I'll be participating once more in the annual Brigid in cyberspace poetry reading
Deborah
has all the details on her blog. I've done this the past 2 years and always love reading everyones poetry. Even if you don't want to post one it is fun to read all the ones that people across the world have posted. I found some wonderful ones I'd never heard of and quite a lot that I already counted favourites.
I was thinking today about cancer, specifically Mr Mog's cancer and the effect it has had on our social life. For whatever reasons lots of our friends don't seem to be comfortable with it. By that I mean they are keeping away, they don't even phone. Now I know one person has recently lost a member of his family and maybe its too close to home. I don't know. But so many of our friends, especially the pagan ones have kept away. Its rather hurtful and upsetting for both Mr Mog and I.
Why am I specifying the pagan ones specifically? Well for me paganism, or the belief I have means I'm more aware of the feelings of others and try as much as I can to be there for people.
In sympathy with them if you will. I am not explaining my self too well am I?
There have been good moments. We have a few friends who are there for us all the time. Not in your pocket type of being there, but they ring, they call round as normal and I think that is what we want, some normality. It feels as if we have the plague, keep away unclean and it is a pity. We are struggling with the cancer lately, both depressed and low. The weather doesn't help either. Today was all rain. I'm not sleeping and I know Mr Mog isn't, we don't talk enough about it. He is quite a private person in some ways and not as talkative as I am. I usually tend to say too much, this comes from being kept under the thumb in previous relationships. With Mr Mog I was always able to say what I wanted, sometimes too much:)
On this subject I can't properly. I seem to pussyfoot around and maybe I need to go on the beach and scream, get rid of the tension not feel as awakward as I am.
Phew, what a mouthful.
I think really I'm saying that if you have family or friends with cancer, be yourself around them, don't stay away. They are still the same person, the cancer doesn't change that.
On a more cheery note , see the picture at the top of the post? It arrived today from Santa Clara in CA, from Hendrickson it says on the address label. I don't know who you are but thank you very much for this:)
I hope to have another finished pair of socks to show tomorrow:)
Excuse the dismals, I'll be cheerier tomorrow.
12 comments:
I have only just began to read your blog so I don't really "know" you, but I am sorry to hear how your friends have been with regard to the cancer. Maybe it is a not knowing how to deal with it/ scared of loss thing? Who knows. Have you got enough sock yarn? Email me if not. x
Having the support of friends and family is an important part of surviving any ordeal. Sorry you haven't been feeling the love. Blessings to you and Mr. Mog. I've started to notice the days getting longer here in the Pacific Northwest. Imbolc is nearly here and I am so glad! Though we've never met, I'll be thinking of you both as I light a candle for Brigid this Imbolc.
Dearest Amber, we're all still here, we're all holding you and Mr. Mog in our thoughts constantly. Never doubt that for a moment.
And just how do you propose to knit so many pairs of socks? Dear heaven, aren't people wonderfully generous? I think you'd better join Sock Madness. It might help with the progress - a bit of pushing along, you know?
Love and strength from Ireland (where we'll be celebrating Imbolc too, and special candles lit for both you and Mr. Mog).
What a gorgeous and generous whack of yarn!
....sigh.... I'm sorry to hear that some of your friends have been shieing away. We just found out a friend of ours has been diagnosed with cancer, and although we really do keep to home most of the time we'll be making time to go and visit with him, for sure.
You and Mr. Mog are in my thoughts, every.single.day. and a continuous stream of soothing and healing energy is always flowing your way.
Sorry to hear things are so hard; sending good thoughts
It could all be compounded by the time of year and this awful weather. I really feel like hibernating most days. I never used to feel the urge to stay in by the fire so strongly, so it could be age too (Shock! Horror!) You have hoards of friends watching/ visiting you through your blog. I look forward to checking in to see what's new. So there are lots of us out here thinking about you both. Hope that's come out right. Hugs to you both. xx xx xx
That's a shame, but sometimes people struggle with the concept of a friend being ill as much as you will right now. They don't always know how to deal with it, and whether you want them around or not. Don't blame them too much if they don't contact you in the same way they used to - they might think you want time and space.
On a cheerier note - show us the socks! :) I look forward to tomorrow's post.
Big hugs
x
Don't ever feel you have to apologise for expressing your feelings on the blog. That's the great thing about "virtual" friends - they can choose to visit and leave again without you knowing they were there, and say something or nothing . Real life friends may feel under pressure to say... something, anything, becuse to say nothing would be awful. And so many people don't know what to say in the face of mortality. FL's children have all been conspicuous by their lack of contact since I told them his diagnosis. Which is very hard for him, and therefore for me. At least FL has me, just as Mr Mog has you. I am just immersing myself in being everything kind and loving and happy and positve-thinking for him while he is still around. And trying not to think about what it will be like when he is gone. Denial takes many forms I suppose. Thanks for this post, Amber.
Some people don't 'do' illness of any type. I found that out when I was going through my cancer journey last year. I found that the best way was to acknowledge it, smile and thank those people for the time that they had spent with you in the past. Then walk away with no feelings of hurt or regret. You and Mr Mog have enough to think about without spending precious energy on people who are not going to be able to support you both. Save your time and be as selfish as you need. This is possibly one of may positive aspects of cancer, although you might not realise it at the time.
I thought about this withdrawal and I came to conclusion that maybe people disappear because they feel too helpless to do anything... Still, it's important to stick around to give some support, even just to mark our presence "in case". In case of happy or sad moments that need to be shared.
I'm sending my warmest thoughts to you both!
I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing some support issues with some of your close friends. Know that your friends/contacts through blogland are with you all the way! I know in my line of work, that when people don't call or talk there is usually an element of "I don't know quite how to express my thoughts/feelings so maybe it's best if I don't say anything so I don't screw it up..." I don't know if that is true in their case, but maybe... Hope you enjoy your day :)
Amber, 18 years ago my brother went through cancer. One of the many things that I walked away with was what he said and how he felt. He said that he felt people stayed away from him because they were afraid they would "catch" his cancer from him. His friends and coworkers didn't come around, even people from church didn't come arond. But family was ALWAYS there. Over the years, I have found an AWESOME organization ChemoAngels.com and they hook up a total stranger, and Angel, with a patient. And the Angel sends cards, notes, letters and gifts the whole while the person is going through treatment. I have been with the group over 6 years now and I have lost many and a few have graduated and each graduate (a survivor) will always, always mention how much they appreciated just feeling normal for the few minutes the card, note, letter or gift gave to them while they were at their worst.
I guess what I am trying to say is that people just don't know what to say or do, those who haven't been through cancer, so they feel not doing anything is the easiest,,,,for them.
I'll be thinking of the two of you as many other will, keep knitting.
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