Tuesday was oncology. Oncologist was on leave due to family stuff so we saw the registrar. She obviously didn't know Mr M so it was a bit of a wasted day really. Never mind next appointment is 6 weeks and hopefully oncologist is back then.
Wednesday we had doctor booked for home visit. First time Mr Mog had met this one and she was wonderful. Asked lots of questions, changed his water tablet and added in an artificial saliva spray as his mouth is constantly dry. She also told him that unless he needed to see her before she would visit in 2-3 weeks. Then asked about end of life stuff. Ie what Mr Mog wanted to happen if he needed resuscitation . She told him there was no rush to answer but if he did make a decision sometime it avoided me having to do so at what would be a crucial time or indeed avoided medical staff needing to. He has already had the conversation with Macmillan that he does not want to go in hospital again and would prefer to remain at home. I agree with him.
Last night the realities of our life suddenly came home to me once more, the thought of GP needing to record his wishes for revive or not. So upsetting even though I know how things are.
Add in the fact I now have increased pain in both wrists and hands due to the carpal tunnel getting worse . Have got new splints and GP has rearranged appointments so I can have steroid injection in one wrist next week then the other one 2 weeks later. So not much sleep chez moggies.
I am sorry this blog seems depressing lately, I am afraid I haven't any knitting to show or pretty pictures as we haven't been anywhere.
But thank you for listening.
6 comments:
Your blog is life as it is truly lived. Best wishes to you both.
Please don't apologise for anything you write here. You are such a beautiful, wise spirit, and you're carrying so much. Such a rough road to be on right now. I continue to hold you and Mr Mog in my thoughts, and send you many blessings, dear heart. xxx
Thank you for telling your story. Much love to you and Mr. Mog.
LOVE from Canada. xxoo
It's not "depressing". It is real. And it is sad. Of course it is.
Keep an eye on the fluid - it can cause all sorts of other issues if it starts to affect the heart and lungs. The ankles are the easiest part to monitor via a daily lower leg massage.
The choice is not just "hospital or home". Hospices are amazing places and although my FL was terrified of going there, we found that it was full of people who were nowhere near their "end of life" but needed expert help to re-assess their pain relief regime, or extra support (physical and emotional) while on chemo. I regretted FL not having an earlier admission so that he might have enjoyed some of the special "soul" care they can offer - the writer in residence, the artists, aromatherapy... all on the NHS! Worth thinking about, though I can understand your reluctance to do so. Look after yourself too, honey!
I wish I could do more than just send love and strength and hope to you. But do know that Mark and I are thinking of you.
What they all said.
I've been involved in several DNR decisions (actually, I think they call them something else now, similar, but not that, according to a friend's daughter who is a senior sister in an ITU in B'ham, but I can't remember what). Not an easy choice, but, we've always thought that if a body gives up naturally, then it is trying to tell you something, whatever your brain or heart may feel. Reviving a body that is worn (or diseased) out is probably not what its soul and spirit would want. Let the spirit free, to begin journeying - you'll catch up one day.
Lots of love from both of us. Currently have no voice, but will ring you when I can talk audibly and without coughing - crap hospital I'm in - the 'nurse' has gone to a car restoration show for the day!!!.
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