November 11, 2009

On pain and it's effects.


What do doctors know of pain?
The way it leeches through your veins

Weeks of constant pain. Neck, head, back.
Lots of combinations of pills trying to alleviate it somewhat.
Feelings of discomfort and malaise in all I do.
Trips to doctor and optician trying to rectify whatever it is that is suddenly violently there.
Migraine diagnosis from doctor despite it being nothing like any form of migraine I've had in the past.
Anti-inflammatories given.
Trip to optician, yes eyes slightly changed. Is it enough to cause the severe headaches?
New prescription glasses - picked up today.
Anti inflammatory pills crease my stomach, no use taking pills to counter that as they make me sick.
Cut anti-inflammatory pills from 3 to 2 per day. No difference and still no lessening of pain.
Add in strong painkillers, stomach more discomfort.
Cut anti inflammatory pills to 1 per day, mix in paracetamol. No difference.
Stop anti-inflammatory, stop constant strong pain killers.
New cocktail one strong painkiller per day rest of the day paracetamol.
No stomach problems, that is good yes?
Not much help on back, neck and head pain though.
Question, do i go back? Have not taken anti-inflammatory pills as directed or for long enough so no point there.
Do I soldier on with my self help oils, healing, deep heat cream and paracetamol with occasional strong painkiller when it all becomes too much?
If I do go back it will be more anti-inflammatory pills of a different name - same pack drill same side effects. They will still make me ill. I think I've tried all forms now.
Or, will it be stronger pain killers, for side effects see above and they make me zombified. Is that a word? Who cares it describes it exactly.
What ever I do will not be a full solution.
So do I go the chemical or the natural way? Knowing that either will only alleviate part of the problem.
I would rather go the no chemical route, or just paracetamol. Better for stomach, better for inner child and her mind.
Can I cope doing so when days and nights merge in a red hot maelstrom of hurt, discomfort and pain?
Did I mention pain?
Nights are extremely long when you don't or can't sleep. There aren't as many distractions as the day holds. I can't distract myself in the night with reading, knitting or the like. I do have to try to get some form of rest after all.
My weary body calls out for rest, relief and cessation of the eternal pain.
What to do, what to do.
Watch this space. I WILL crack it some day.
After all it has only been half a century or more of this.
I can cope.
I can fight.
I am not giving up, no not me.
I can't.
I won't
You can't make me.

17 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Sorry to hear of your chronic pain. Have you ever tried acupuncture, if a practitioner is near you?

Sea said...

sorry to hear about your pain. Have you tried valerian to help you rest? It also has a side effect of calming down stomach problems. And Frankincense with other oils in a vapouriser in my room before sleeping all help

Sea said...

sorry to hear about your pain. Have you tried valerian to help you rest? It also has a side effect of calming down stomach problems. And Frankincense with other oils in a vapouriser in my room before sleeping all help

Rosie said...

Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.

Artis-Anne said...

I know , I understand and I wish I too had an answer as I feel sometimes its only within me to find it as the Dr's seem clueless or have given up as long as I can walk and breath. But I know I push myself too hard at times because I want to do ceratin things and then pay for it and HAVE to stop , sit down, spin and try and switch off : hard I know when you have pulsating pain. It takes so much time to come down again and get over things and I don't have an answer either Amber but I do so feel for you ((( HUGS))))Maybe we both need to sloooooow down.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you XXX

Yvonne said...

Three things help me to cope - acupuncture, cranial osteopathy and flotation tank sessions. Seriously an hour of float can leave me feeling better than 8 hours sleep and I seem to feel even better the following day.

Healing hugs being sent your way

Priestess~Harper said...

All I can say is that not all doctors are immune to their patients pain. My oncology team are wonderful and very respectful and receptive to my needs. I only hope that you find a doctor as open as mine soon . . .

Nettles said...

It's enough for you to be dealing with the chronic pain without doctors adding their dash of salt to it all with their lack of empathy. If they would only look at the big picture instead of breaking down the parts and isolating each issue. But then, I suppose that's what they're trained to do.

What can I say? I wish I could magicks all your pain away Ambermoggie. I heartily wish that you can have some decent rest and comfort. And I send you enormous hugs, and a warm cup of something gentle, soothing and strenghtening.

Dorothy said...

If I could lend you strength to fight, I would send you all I can spare.

I think lots of people, not just doctors, don't know what pain is. When I first experienced real pain (due to a dislocated elbow) I discovered it was beyond anything I had ever imagined. I was surprised that even weeks after the accident, I could block some of it out of my mind in the day, like ignoring a constant noise, but I would wake from a nights sleep feeling I had not slept a wink. I hadn't known that pain did that.

Have you tried pilates? I have met a few people who found it helps painful joints.

By the way, I love the little spinning wheel, it seems happy to be spinning, and is working beautifully.

I keep thinking of your art yarn, the colours and the sparkle. I never saw a yarn like that before and it looked so lovely in your knitting.

Mel said...

Oh, Dear One...(((hugs))))

Sending you warmth and a big, shiny, healing Light....

xo

laoi gaul~williams said...

oh sending some healing thoughts your way. i know how you feel, if with a different illness.
xooxox

Ruby Louise said...

I hope you feel better soon! *hug*

Sue Simpson aka - The Purple Pixie said...

Oh Amber...I *WISH* I could do something about your pain I really do. I so feel for you and also feel so helpless. You are a tough cookie, a Warrior Woman and someone who I admire and love so much. I wish I had an ounce of your courage when it comes to pain. I see you in difficulty and know forst hand the struggles you are up against...yet never do I hear a complaint pass your lips and a kinder person I have never had the privilage to meet.
I love you hun, for all the joy you bring to me and so many others around you.
Candles lit for your successful relief of pain.
Sue xxx

Blue Witch said...

Oh Amber, I can only empathise.

Have you tried clearing down your system from all the drugs and starting again from scratch? That could take several weeks...

My pain is probably not as severe as yours, but I refuse all prescribed drugs, so medical science in this country apparently has nothing to offer me. Therefore I also avoid doctors, whose attitude only make me feel worse anyway...

And is there a reason you're taking paracetemol and not ibuprofen? Ibuprofen is an anti-inflammatory as well as a pain killer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibuprofen).

I think I've suggested Roman Chamomile essential oil, diluted 5 drops in 10ml of a carrier oil, rubbed on - did you ever try it?

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Vicky said...

So sorry to hear of your suffering, and despite that you bring such inspiration to others. May you find a way through all this. Love and hugs xx

Roobeedoo said...

wishing you better!
hugs from us

GooseBreeder said...

Hope you're improving,go with the Bach Flowers, used them for 25 years and swear by them.Get yourself a bottle of Oak,asap, it will help you cope with the pain.
Am about to blog on chronic pain as a request for someone else suffering..go to "One Was Von" in a day or so and hope it gives a little relief at least..you are not alone.