November 11, 2009
On pain and it's effects.
What do doctors know of pain?
The way it leeches through your veins
Weeks of constant pain. Neck, head, back.
Lots of combinations of pills trying to alleviate it somewhat.
Feelings of discomfort and malaise in all I do.
Trips to doctor and optician trying to rectify whatever it is that is suddenly violently there.
Migraine diagnosis from doctor despite it being nothing like any form of migraine I've had in the past.
Trip to optician, yes eyes slightly changed. Is it enough to cause the severe headaches?
New prescription glasses - picked up today.
Anti inflammatory pills crease my stomach, no use taking pills to counter that as they make me sick.
Cut anti-inflammatory pills from 3 to 2 per day. No difference and still no lessening of pain.
Add in strong painkillers, stomach more discomfort.
Cut anti inflammatory pills to 1 per day, mix in paracetamol. No difference.
Stop anti-inflammatory, stop constant strong pain killers.
New cocktail one strong painkiller per day rest of the day paracetamol.
No stomach problems, that is good yes?
Not much help on back, neck and head pain though.
Question, do i go back? Have not taken anti-inflammatory pills as directed or for long enough so no point there.
Do I soldier on with my self help oils, healing, deep heat cream and paracetamol with occasional strong painkiller when it all becomes too much?
If I do go back it will be more anti-inflammatory pills of a different name - same pack drill same side effects. They will still make me ill. I think I've tried all forms now.
Or, will it be stronger pain killers, for side effects see above and they make me zombified. Is that a word? Who cares it describes it exactly.
What ever I do will not be a full solution.
So do I go the chemical or the natural way? Knowing that either will only alleviate part of the problem.
I would rather go the no chemical route, or just paracetamol. Better for stomach, better for inner child and her mind.
Can I cope doing so when days and nights merge in a red hot maelstrom of hurt, discomfort and pain?
Did I mention pain?
Nights are extremely long when you don't or can't sleep. There aren't as many distractions as the day holds. I can't distract myself in the night with reading, knitting or the like. I do have to try to get some form of rest after all.
My weary body calls out for rest, relief and cessation of the eternal pain.
What to do, what to do.
Watch this space. I WILL crack it some day.
After all it has only been half a century or more of this.
I can cope.
I can fight.
I am not giving up, no not me.
You can't make me.