tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98855712024-03-13T05:59:17.620+00:00The mogs blog, the meanderings of a cat through yarn and lifeThe musings and meanderings of a mixed media artist and yarn junkie who loves to knit,spin, crochet, make a mess, write and enjoy life. I try to follow the wheel of the year and enjoy each day of it. My art reflects that spiritual journey.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.comBlogger1141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-55204978427602711462021-02-01T16:54:00.004+00:002021-02-01T16:59:17.556+00:00Poetry for Brigid Imbolc<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKdyCqV0Q9l2kIlbtwDN6R7pdhwGTfo3hli5XdaJQ0_Dc8Q6jnfJBHahplXU6V9yUKyIZfzGb5v16KOImHKvVxtUbYRmZ_kL2ZulVpjqVa61XcMFyufRZy6HnwSIEqrOMPiOkd/s2048/76A6339F-9DE7-4723-8D2F-96AC288B9542.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKdyCqV0Q9l2kIlbtwDN6R7pdhwGTfo3hli5XdaJQ0_Dc8Q6jnfJBHahplXU6V9yUKyIZfzGb5v16KOImHKvVxtUbYRmZ_kL2ZulVpjqVa61XcMFyufRZy6HnwSIEqrOMPiOkd/s320/76A6339F-9DE7-4723-8D2F-96AC288B9542.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span face="canada-type-gibson" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 1.75rem; font-style: inherit;">The Lake Isle of Innisfree</span></p><div class="c-feature-sub c-feature-sub_vast" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 22px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 33px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="c-txt c-txt_attribution" face="canada-type-gibson" style="border: 0px; color: #494949; display: inline-block; font-size: 0.875rem; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 1.4px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;">BY <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/william-butler-yeats" style="border: 0px; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS</a></span></div></div><div class="c-feature-bd" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; border: 0px; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro; font-size: 1.25rem; font-style: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="o-poem isActive" data-view="PoemView" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">And live alone in the bee-loud glade.<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">And evening full of the linnet’s wings.<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">I will arise and go now, for always night and day<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">I hear it in the deep heart’s core.<br /></div></div></div>It’s been a while so hello. I’ve always tried to post a poem for Brigid and Imbolc and this one jumped out at me a few days ago. I hope you like.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-7863197379594844022020-06-20T10:25:00.000+00:002020-06-20T10:25:09.075+00:00Solstice blessings <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZKj2L9kO-rsT8P07OukEwrlfvG0uhhkmg_4bRCQcroCcMenPksKzk4UnMfOPYrmNIJbXQQ70wXNoUYl4eJMkZRRB9SYLKBfv4CbX7DICzTJj6NAJ1swaU39K66iZ2ObMgnhdA/s2359/BFBDD561-06FC-46FC-9533-07134CD32B5C.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1720" data-original-width="2359" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZKj2L9kO-rsT8P07OukEwrlfvG0uhhkmg_4bRCQcroCcMenPksKzk4UnMfOPYrmNIJbXQQ70wXNoUYl4eJMkZRRB9SYLKBfv4CbX7DICzTJj6NAJ1swaU39K66iZ2ObMgnhdA/s320/BFBDD561-06FC-46FC-9533-07134CD32B5C.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A crown for Mrs Noah, also to celebrate the Solstice dawn.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFEgurqT23Kdv095PbtpLkts9NNmr87g0v7Xn3BGJ16PmNKOCV6zLBJdou60v-SBFFX2OSmSd0b7Nurs1GMZ5TkTnl75M6YnPQNcDQuKEOnNi2D9UYlPzggXwi171qtUueJlc8/s4032/6E4F29DB-7432-4286-8A60-18BBDDEE820E.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFEgurqT23Kdv095PbtpLkts9NNmr87g0v7Xn3BGJ16PmNKOCV6zLBJdou60v-SBFFX2OSmSd0b7Nurs1GMZ5TkTnl75M6YnPQNcDQuKEOnNi2D9UYlPzggXwi171qtUueJlc8/s320/6E4F29DB-7432-4286-8A60-18BBDDEE820E.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We went to the graveyard for a walk to say hello to the creatures that live there and to reflect on those who have gone before us.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOer6re30PIYEaoPuF122AhFQjGj_NFjb6BHymwWOvIln36oBis2A4IUqHDJWRsqbcfyub4gs2k3bQY8Mm4tj48HRHLdmnMhSLcPq2RYTy9Kzga1aZK-3HCwlIKzLLAKHZyeqb/s4032/245AFC7A-A792-48D3-AAAA-56D145FBAD53.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOer6re30PIYEaoPuF122AhFQjGj_NFjb6BHymwWOvIln36oBis2A4IUqHDJWRsqbcfyub4gs2k3bQY8Mm4tj48HRHLdmnMhSLcPq2RYTy9Kzga1aZK-3HCwlIKzLLAKHZyeqb/s320/245AFC7A-A792-48D3-AAAA-56D145FBAD53.jpeg" /></a></div>The sun was glorious and there was hardly a breath of wind. So much better than the past few days. Although there was no sunset to be seen last night and Solstice morn was greeted with rain showers.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2laibptZXbzgJibMRCwA5fY8hfIovk_fUYYyIkeSjHn37GO707ppyc2jxELRYzFokLRQl8_mTDyU_cnhX1Jfo1MHA6LXjZC9c7JGP2-OUFTxJJCg1nowPW-F-hJiSaRxI4XB3/s4032/C4DCFA21-9522-48E5-AA64-F89A84B0F4AB.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2laibptZXbzgJibMRCwA5fY8hfIovk_fUYYyIkeSjHn37GO707ppyc2jxELRYzFokLRQl8_mTDyU_cnhX1Jfo1MHA6LXjZC9c7JGP2-OUFTxJJCg1nowPW-F-hJiSaRxI4XB3/s320/C4DCFA21-9522-48E5-AA64-F89A84B0F4AB.jpeg" /></a></div>It’s all done the plants so much good though.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO8yHjbhm1M1zkOdow28Cz_yor4ZPWQjlU-0NmhwYlogoXF31Bbkwc0wqGd8IgATezS3eWR66uyLqANXRN6WfT2M6nnEEDd4eFbA45CqoVadHQ3pQMUaFL8fNgbEcCCspXIBkU/s4032/482274CF-377F-431C-ACA7-B0511768AC2E.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO8yHjbhm1M1zkOdow28Cz_yor4ZPWQjlU-0NmhwYlogoXF31Bbkwc0wqGd8IgATezS3eWR66uyLqANXRN6WfT2M6nnEEDd4eFbA45CqoVadHQ3pQMUaFL8fNgbEcCCspXIBkU/s320/482274CF-377F-431C-ACA7-B0511768AC2E.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>My garden is looking so lush. It’s small but full of life.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRb1TtDgRQ-ymSJbomhrNRF2gJ9T6DRl8cT5f7p2r_jmhIKTtml6R-pfFHrvOrW7BkDJOFf3__2xPT4NtbctIYAHw8KMB5RZNeoWbSYf8rnzd-BQ-9LZ-Yxmq-VIP7QoQxdDDj/s4032/11A4DFF9-169B-43C2-B18C-86B5E4673C7C.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRb1TtDgRQ-ymSJbomhrNRF2gJ9T6DRl8cT5f7p2r_jmhIKTtml6R-pfFHrvOrW7BkDJOFf3__2xPT4NtbctIYAHw8KMB5RZNeoWbSYf8rnzd-BQ-9LZ-Yxmq-VIP7QoQxdDDj/s320/11A4DFF9-169B-43C2-B18C-86B5E4673C7C.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-60734043831371182822020-06-09T20:46:00.000+00:002020-06-09T20:46:14.870+00:00Days It’s a strange unsettling time, so much happening in the world , so much change.<br />
I’m trying to keep afloat on a sea of uncertainty and fear. <br />
While I ponder and listen, some things help me through.<br />
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The colours of a shawl in the garden.</div>
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My lovely Nano and the amount of yarn it holds.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlcmfcFP3uJwMyw6jhThODvf_Jiv08U6jqdRW8GeZgf3anZBcRn76YMLqa3LZ6hqjKS7aVZkC0-k2sbmWfE_ByHmoV2Ea0LBYG1fFU50ZVANdK1Exk1RjzjUp3qTGEKy8U9jLV/s1600/4924F1D4-1EF2-467D-99B6-80FCF9B69E1E.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlcmfcFP3uJwMyw6jhThODvf_Jiv08U6jqdRW8GeZgf3anZBcRn76YMLqa3LZ6hqjKS7aVZkC0-k2sbmWfE_ByHmoV2Ea0LBYG1fFU50ZVANdK1Exk1RjzjUp3qTGEKy8U9jLV/s320/4924F1D4-1EF2-467D-99B6-80FCF9B69E1E.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Freshly baked bread , even if it is cut on a slant.</div>
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My flour parcel from Dove.</div>
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My latest Goddess figures waiting to go out into the world</div>
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<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-11553787944772402372020-06-08T20:59:00.000+00:002020-06-08T20:59:29.861+00:00Uncertain timesIt is an uncertain time we are living through and no end in sight. Some days it’s hard to see anything but lockdown. Then there are signs and seeds of hope. As I write this New Zealand are lifting restrictions. They approached this virus differently than the shambolic UK attempts.<br />
But going back to The Book of Qualities by J Ruth Gendler. Today my first page that opened was Terror. She writes of the Qualities as people. Quite a lot of them are illustrated in black and white lines.<br />
The bit I want to quote is this :-<br />
‘When Terror wants power she has many ways to silence those who oppose her. She is willing to use violence to achieve her ends; often she prefers less obvious means. Terror knows that she can control the body by controlling the mind. When people are in states of confusion, Terror’s propaganda passes for truth.’<br />
It seems apt for how we are being manipulated somehow.<br />
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But looking for the beauty and something positive helps me. Just look at the yarn I am plying. It’s called Samarkand from Fellview Fibres. I’ve loved spinning it, it reminds me of the sea and sand.<br />
The cards are from my friend Sue <a href="https://inspiredbyscript.co.uk/collections/personalised-gifts/products/50-affirmation-cards-in-tin">Creative spirit affirmation cards </a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5rjeoHsBazQV8745o4tXYkrUbq1mA2fUQEIqDLwV76cdPiBipY8pRbrJ6OH2uBvvAQwSru7syA-tLb3cAXratHGiJDf7NKfUZAPKjqrV-alMGPCWyt4RoDyrih202rj-AitPJ/s1600/993DF878-F020-4F19-9E38-BB53A99B90F5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5rjeoHsBazQV8745o4tXYkrUbq1mA2fUQEIqDLwV76cdPiBipY8pRbrJ6OH2uBvvAQwSru7syA-tLb3cAXratHGiJDf7NKfUZAPKjqrV-alMGPCWyt4RoDyrih202rj-AitPJ/s320/993DF878-F020-4F19-9E38-BB53A99B90F5.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And I guess no surprise that I’m still knitting shawls. Here is the latest one off the needles.</div>
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Finally some friends of mine were involved in a ritual on YouTube . I think it was called pass the light and keep the candle burning. So for hope during these worrying times I leave you with this.</div>
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Please keep the light burning.</div>
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<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-77422441559619754562020-06-07T10:37:00.000+00:002020-06-07T10:37:41.477+00:00Lockdown is a strange bedfellow and companion. Unseen but the effects are felt throughout each day and night. To me it’s very like the J Ruth Gendler book of Qualities . Each emotion is described so thoroughly and they sometimes meet or bump into each other. Despair, loss, fear, but then hope. Hope when things are relaxed a little but fear as we realise it’s all too soon and await the next spike in this dreadful virus.<br />
So lockdown. We don’t see the thing but it’s all around us . We woke up in a strange new world that isn’t going back to how it was. It’s like the fairy tale RIP Van Winkle, he slept for what he thought was one night and woke up 20 years later in a strange time. That’s what has happened to us, although we saw signs of it coming when the virus first started. None of us could forecast how it would become.<br />
We have had to learn to live so very differently. Touch is not allowed, 2 metres does not allow it. It’s hard if you are a small child at school perhaps needing comforting should you fall. They even have to supposedly put their own plasters on?<br />
It’s bad if you have your first grandchild due and you can’t be there for the birth, or visit and hold the baby for the first time. What’s app and face time, zoom etc can’t replicate the emotion you feel when first looking at the small being who has just entered this world.<br />
It’s awful for those dying alone in a hospital bed with no familiar faces around or loved ones holding your hand as you take the next step on your journey.<br />
Or a funeral with limited mourners, how can you say goodbye or celebrate a life cut short by this?<br />
How do we make a new life but a positive one for ourselves out of it all?<br />
What seeds are planted for hope and joy? There has to be some good from it all.<br />
More kindness? More care for our fellow man and woman. But at the moment the world is in chaos and still reeling.<br />
Planting seeds for us all.<br />
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<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-57034205898274884082020-05-30T14:46:00.000+00:002020-05-30T14:46:04.094+00:00Return? Never really went away.It’s been a long while since I wrote a blog post and to be honest I never thought it would happen again. After Mr Mog died my life changed drastically. Not just the grief and the loss of someone I loved, but my soulmate.<br />
Then you start to live again, slow steps but you start to see the sunshine and the turn of the wheel. To follow the moon’s progress through her cycle. It wasn’t the same and it couldn’t be could it? We none of us know where the path will take us, we see just a little bit of it each time. A good thing sometimes as I am sure we would hate to know the future.<br />
So what’s been happening? Lots and some bad but much more that was good. But there’s good come out of it. I met a man and we fell in love. Very unexpected to find I could share my life with someone but I have and I am.<br />
I’m still creating, that also changed around but I am still knitting shawls. Still spinning and still playing with mixed media. I’ve got a new urge to make things and it’s great to be in touch with the muse once more.<br />
There will be more but for now let me leave you with a photo of my latest toy, a gift from a very generous friend.<br />
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<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-6336590209395332192018-03-28T18:56:00.000+00:002018-03-28T18:56:21.239+00:00Time passesThe sadness never goes away when you lose the one you love. You just have to file it in a room and close the door. Don’t lock it. It doesn’t ever stay closed. You miss that person all the time with never decreasing grief. But having it somewhere you can close the door for a while means that you can start to live again. It’s a totally different life but never the less it’s a life. You smile, you go out and you socialise with friends and family. You even have fun.<br />
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At first it’s very very hard because you feel guilty, guilty that you are having fun and not crying all the time. Guilty that you are enjoying yourself. It almost feels as if it is against the rules. But with the help of good people you carry on and you start to enjoy things once more. An hour here, a meet up there. You even laugh but that sounds almost manic sometimes. A frantic attempt to be normal.<br />
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You are grateful for very painful days, stay in bed days. They seem penance for daring to enjoy yourself once more. How can you have fun with a huge hole where your loved one was? But you carry on because that was one of the last things he said to you before his death:-<br />
Have fun<br />
Accept all invitations<br />
Answer all calls and visits from friends<br />
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So I do.<br />
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I even look forward to days now. I’ve managed to start creating again and my craft room isn’t quite as scary as it was.<br />
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Yes my health is worse in lots of ways and this winter has been a very hard one.<br />
But I am so grateful. Grateful for all the things I had with Mr Mog, grateful for my friends and family of choice.<br />
And grateful that I know we will be together again and that helps keep me going.<br />
<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-22370681035597975972016-11-16T22:41:00.001+00:002016-11-16T22:41:31.689+00:00Thank you Thank you so much everyone. Mr Mogs cremation was yesterday and it was surrounded by much love and some laughter. So many of our family and family of choice were there it really helped me get through a very sad day.<br />
He was covered in a blanket of autumn shades, made by many friends across the world. Each square different and each one made with love. It had bells of course and I am writing this cocooned in the warmth and magic of this special blanket now.<br />
We had 3 pieces of Mr Mogs favourite music ending with Status Quo - rocking all over the world. Making everyone smile as we left the crematorium. He wanted a simple ceremony and he got it. Just one eulogy from a friend of ours, spoken from the heart and a mix of tears and laughter when she reminded us of Mr Mogs awful cups of weak tea;) we had a simple hot buffet while sharing our memories of a very special person.<br />
Today I feel empty and bereft. The man I love has left me and although I know he is still here surrounding me with his love I just can't see or touch him.<br />
We celebrate his life on 10th December and friends are most welcome to be with us.<br />
<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-33857838909403815242016-11-06T21:18:00.000+00:002016-11-06T21:18:42.962+00:00R.I.P Mr MogMy lovely husband and soulmate Mr Mog sadly left this earth plane on the 1st November. He died peacefully in the early morning after I had just gone to bed for a nap, having been up most of the night chatting to him . He waited, thoughtful to the very last.<br />
He had become more and more frail and in pain but was determined to attend one last wool festival , the Kendal Woolgathering weekend just a couple of days before his passing.<br />
He had a most wonderful time, enjoying being with all our many woolly friends and family. He was surrounded by love and joy a worthy last event indeed.<br />
Our friends came from one end of the country to the other and he was so so appreciative of their taking the time.<br />
As one of our old friends told me "he was storing up memories for you" not for himself but so that I would remember this most gentle loving person full of smiles albeit very very frail.<br />
He will be cremated with a simple ceremony and then in early December we will have a celebration of his life to which family and friends are all invited.<br />
Mr Mog planned his funeral and his celebration, I just have to put the pieces into place . My heart is broken and I don't know how I can function without him. I know I have to but it's so very very hard. I have a big lump in my stomach and I have cried enough tears for Britain.<br />
I can feel that He is still here in my heart and all around me but I can't touch or see him. I wait for the sound of his bells heralding his arrival in a room. They don't come.<br />
I know we will be together again as he did, it's just the wait until that happens.<br />
Rest in peace my darling, I love you alwaysambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-50872746389794477032016-10-18T15:38:00.000+00:002016-10-18T15:38:35.382+00:00Update , it's been a long while.so sorry to be missing, life has been exceedingly fraught to say the least. Mr Mogs cancer has spread and is now in his neck and nervous system. His tongue is paralysed at the left side and his face has dropped at same side. A form of Bells Palsy. He takes more care speaking as his speech is slurred a little, especially when he is tired. Swallowing is now becoming difficult and food has to be mashed up or smaller morsels.<br />
He recently spent just under a week in our local hospice for pain management and they were fabulous. Mr Mog had already been attending day hospice once a week since the summer so it wasn't a completely strange experience. He now has fentanil pain patches alongside oxynorm liquid as required. He also takes 4 gms of paracetamol a day and 900mg gabapentin 3 times a day.<br />
Last Monday he was discharged from hospice and Monday evening/Tuesday morning had a fall in the bathroom . I struggled to help him, I managed to get him sat on the toilet but couldn't move him back to bed due to my health stuff plus his left leg not cooperating. I rang Hospice at home and district nurses both of whom were answerphone so ended up ringing 111 for an ambulance. With hindsight I should just have phoned 999 but at 1-30 in the morning my brain wasn't thinking straight. Ambulance men were wonderful and got him into bed. When they did his obs his temperature was very high. They rang primary care doctor to come and check him over but he refused. He kept saying sepsis to them even when they explained that Mr Mogs wishes were no hospital unless acute (I.e. Fractures) Mr Mog reluctantly agreed to go to hospital. In the meantime as they got him ready to transport Marie Curie rang us and they too tried to get primary care doctor to come out to no avail. I should just add that the centre they come from is just 2 minutes drive away. They had to take Mr Mog to city hospital. He spent 5 hours on trolley. After 4 hours I was so upset seeing his pain I burst into tears. The sister took me out for a cup of tea and I think expedited the doctor examining him. He agreed it was chest infection. Gave Mr M a drip of antibiotics then sent him home with more to take orally. The kind ambulance men had moved us up in the queue to the resuscitation area at A&E as current wait otherwise was heading up to 9 hours apparently. Trouble with the resuscitation area was that while we were there 2 people passed away sadly. Fortunately Mr M didn't notice but I did hence the tears.<br />
He is a lot better now from the chest infection but very frail and things are obviously getting worse.<br />
When we got the news the cancer had spread Mr M decided to organise his funeral. So he did, or should I say I am doing under his instructions. He wants a cardboard coffin and cremation and his ashes to go in our friends garden in the village we used to live in as we were happiest there and still call it home. Our friend said she would be honoured. He wants it to be a celebration of his life with lots of colour and bells.<br />
He thought a patchwork covering Autumn shades for the coffin would be good and it has snowballed with friends all over the world making a square or two.he also wants bells. Those who know us will remember that he always has a couple of tiny bells attached to his jeans. He started it when the grandsons were tiny but has continued it. Friends think it's so I can keep track of where he is;) Friend in Surrey is coordinating it and arranging the stitching, then other friends are organising the transporting up to us via several stages. What has been so humbling and amazing is that as people signed up to make squares they have been saying where they met us , or how they know us, or why they are using the yarn etc. Lots of people have been messaging to say it has made them discuss their funeral arrangements with one another also.<br />
So I think that's where we are today. Each day is precious, very precious and as Mr Mog said now he has the after death organised he can enjoy the now. A good way I think - don't you?<br />
Ps Mr M has also chosen some of his music. A track from sacred spirit cd and Rocking all over the world by Status Quo who are his favourite group:)ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-44836109640552700822016-08-10T18:18:00.001+00:002016-08-10T18:18:04.450+00:00And yet again -it has been a whileSorry time gets away from me. There have been hospital appointments, hospice and doctors and time is gone so fast. There were meant to be photos but picasa doesn't work now and I need to work out how to upload photos and where from. So that will be later.<br />
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I have stuff to show, the creating has helped with stress and worry.<br />
Mr Mog is frail, he has lost more weight and now weighs 9stone 8 pounds. There is nothing to him:( Friday we went to hospital and Mr Mog signed papers to release his original biopsy for checking to see if he has a particular chemical in it. If he does he may be accepted in the drug trial. 2 out of 3 people don't have it.<br />
Monday we went to palliative pain clinic and the consultant has tripled his steroids for 2 weeks to see if they will help with appetite and loss of energy. He has also put Mr M back in his hormone injections which were stopped inadvertently in January . I only realised last week and mentioned to consultant. They are the ones to restrict the production of the male hormone.<br />
Sunday is Mr Mogs birthday and we are going to Liverpool overnight to his favourite hotel in the docks there. Our daughter and 2 grandsons are also coming which will be good if poignant as the odds are it will be his last.<br />
We have had to restrict normal days out to a couple of hours as he gets too tired otherwise.<br />
The following Sunday is my birthday.<br />
That's up to date I think. Thank you for all the messages, calls, texts etc they really help.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-63752210271214286412016-07-22T16:53:00.000+00:002016-07-22T17:00:25.366+00:00Cancer UpdateIt has been a while but haven't felt like posting much.not a lot to report, Mr Mog is getting more and more tired each day and losing weight again. This heat doesn't help either when you have to wear a full back brace and a layer of clothing underneath all the time you are up and about, plus he doesn't like it too hot at the best of times. There may be the possibility of a new drug trial. Lots of screening beforehand and he may not be a suitable candidate but hey it's a little more hope. It "may " make him feel a little better and it "may " extend his life but obviously they can't say for certain. It doesn't matter really it's a little more hope and that's never a bad thing.<br />
Today Mr Mog made the decision that he wasn't well enough for the birthday trip to the Isle of Man . He is worried about worsening while away from hospice, oncology and doctors and it's a good allbeit sad decision. There would be no point having a few days away if he worried all the time or me. I must admit I wasn't sure that he would be well enough but no one could say except himself.<br />
We haven't done an awful lot but did fit in an overnight trip to Liverpool which we both enjoyed.<br />
There has been knitting and spinning going on here and I have been doing a little more playing in my craft room.<br />
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A box I altered</div>
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The garden is looking particularly lush this year</div>
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Love all the tangles of green</div>
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Even if the nasturtium flowers are shy.</div>
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And we never add fertiliser</div>
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No need</div>
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This months full moon was particularly spectacular</div>
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And lots of colour</div>
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This shawl was gifted before I had even finished it, a friend at Woolfest fell in love with it </div>
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So as soon as it was off the needles and blocked it was winging its way to her.</div>
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Then I started one in my handspun</div>
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P.s. Blue Witch the golden Lammas shawl is Pamuya pattern on Ravelry and the stitch is called Wave. </div>
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So how's things with you?</div>
<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-830671082974972172016-07-04T20:57:00.002+00:002016-07-04T20:57:52.422+00:00Here and now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
In the here and now life goes on as go on it must.<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tvBUpAaePSM/V3rBWuqK1oI/AAAAAAAABdo/40RfypCVdtAo4ZPPCVbeGGBdAc_4RgYdwCKgB/s1600/image.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tvBUpAaePSM/V3rBWuqK1oI/AAAAAAAABdo/40RfypCVdtAo4ZPPCVbeGGBdAc_4RgYdwCKgB/s320/image.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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What have we done? Let me think. </div>
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We had a week in a lodge in the Lake District and the weather was glorious every day.</div>
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We didn't do lots each day as Mr Mog tires easily but we went to Carlisle and then the model railway shop in Wigton before heading back to the lodge.</div>
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One day we visited Mr Mogs mother although she didn't know us sadly:( it was very sad and There were tears shed but at least Mr Mog got to see her. She is still with us and at 97 that's not a bad thing.</div>
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We spun a little each day, and yes I do have a new spinning wheel. A Kiwi 2 that I have decorated. I found I missed my spinning dreadfully as its a perfect meditation tool and thought that if I just did a little each day it may be ok. Touch wood so far so good.</div>
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We celebrated the Solstice moon with tremendous views of moon and hills and spent lots of enjoyable hours watching the clouds chase across the sky.</div>
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We listened to owls and watched bats swooping low across the balcony as the sun went down.</div>
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We spent almost 2 days at Woolfest and that was the highlight of the holiday for us both. Catching up with all our many friends, most of whom we hadn't seen since last Woolfest due to being unable to go to Wonderwool in April. </div>
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There were lots of laughs and quite a few tears, mostly as this Woolfest may be the last we spend together. </div>
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One of the highlights for me was finally meeting up with a blogger friend from over the Border <a href="https://newroobeedoo.blogspot.co.uk/">NewRoobeedoo</a></div>
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That caused more tears to flow. I never thought we would get to meet, just shows you. Roo was exactly as I thought she would be and I look forward to meeting up again soon.</div>
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Woolfest is always inspiring and this years show was as good as ever.</div>
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For me it's always been about catching up with friends, the buying opportunities come second to it. I did buy some fabulous merino and Zwarbles fibre from John Arbon as I couldn't resist the softness or the colour.</div>
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When we returned home I did some more decluttering and filled a large tub with the contents of my incense cupboard. Over 45 years of incense making ingredients. We don't make incense now, or do incense making workshops and it's over 12 months since I made any. I tend to use oils in my diffuser instead.</div>
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I also cleared out most of my essential oils apart from a first aid kits worth and my diffuser ones. The oils went to my friend who does aromatherapy and massage. She used two of them on me at that weeks massage:)</div>
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The incense ingredients went to a pagan friend this last weekend when we attended Pagancon . First time I've been for a few years and there were some quite interesting talks and workshops we took a friend of ours who is exploring his beliefs and is interested in furthering his pagan faith. Mr Mog went for the first half of day then I dropped him at our friends and I went back for a couple of hours. I didn't stay for the evening which was a shame as Damh the Bard and Cernunnos rising were playing. But I have CDs of both so that's ok. George Nicholas from Cernunnos rising did a fabulous very large painting and talk about the charity he works with Art for their sake. I have mentioned them to the hospice that Mr Mog goes to as they are always looking for new projects.</div>
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Today I had to make an emergency appointment with the palliative pain clinic as Mr Mogs pain was worse. They actually fit him in this afternoon and the consultant has upped one of his drugs. I have also to arrange a series of blood tests for him. Oh and I made an appointment for hospital for later this week to have the back brace remoulded as that may help. Mr Mog has lost some more weight and is just over 10stone now. This also makes the brace more uncomfortable for him as its loose.</div>
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Think that brings us up to date. To be honest I am just trying to enjoy each day we have. After all that's all everyone has isn't it? The here and now.</div>
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There has been some knitting . I finished yet another shawl in a perfect colour for Lammas.</div>
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ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-14158376209920683592016-06-15T17:11:00.000+00:002016-06-15T17:11:07.193+00:00Each day a day to be savoured The days of feeling in limbo are over. I made the conscious decision to just enjoy each day as it came and that has helped me. We don't know how long Mr Mog has but then none of us do, do we? Letting go of the intensity of cancer made each day much brighter although -being human - there are still snot and tears days. Not just for me but for both of us. We are enjoying going out as and when, not far but just being able to go places is good. Mr Mog gets tired easily and the pain is always present. I am also sleeping better. I have booked a lodge for a week next week to coincide with Woolfest. We both wanted to go but I thought 2 days would be too much for Mr Mog and on top of that couldn't find a B&B. In the end I decided to book a week away. Means Mr Mog can go to Woolfest but as the lodge is only around 20 minutes away I can take him back when he is weary. <br />
If anyone is going please do let me know:) I know one long time online friend is going so we will meet for the first time. Can't remember when I started to read her blog but many many moons ago. Can't wait to meet face to face:)<br />
I have been creating since we last spoke. Not so much knitting because of my hands but my thoughts and imagination have been going in different channels. I've been up cycling . What do you think?<br />
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This is my latest, in honour of the moon Goddess Selene.<br />
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<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-34155440976824953902016-04-21T19:48:00.000+00:002016-04-21T19:48:01.121+00:00Thoughts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Life has been hectic, not always in a good way<br />
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It seems to have been a constant round of medical things and appointments. If it hasn't been Macmillan, it's been hospice at home, or doctor or district nurses. Add in palliative pain clinic and you can see where the days went to.<br />
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Most of these things are being set in place for when needed and it's reassuring to know. But it got so every day seemed to have something going on.</div>
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We have settled down a little now though and are trying to enjoy the days. We were hoping to go to Wonderwool in Wales this weekend but it's too far and will be too exhausting for Mr Mog so we made the decision to stay at home. Both of us very sad as we love meeting up with friends at the wool festivals.</div>
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Mr Mog now goes to the day hospice one day a week which gives me a day , well 10 until 3, to do my own thing. I am now driving all the time as Mr M is not allowed behind the wheel, something that upset him greatly as he loved driving..</div>
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I've not been knitting much as wrists are still fragile but I have been playing in my art journal as you can see. It gives me a good deal of satisfaction to splash paint and glue about. </div>
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I never have anything in mind when I start but prefer to see "what if"</div>
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Health wise Mr Mog is not doing too bad, very weary and sore but no worse than he was. We know it can't last but are enjoying the now. He has put some weight back on which is good. I've lost some more and that's not a bad thing for me either.</div>
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So what have you lot been up to? </div>
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<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-16769847871258105952016-03-10T06:13:00.000+00:002016-03-10T06:13:00.198+00:00More thoughts where were we?<br />
Oh yes I remember. So it's 4 am and I can't sleep. Slept til now but wide awake and can't just lie there with no sleep. Getting thoughts out of my head onto paper/computer screen always helps. Yesterday was a good day. After Macmillan nurses visit I went out for a few hours with my daughter. Just into nearby town, a look round shops and lunch then home. It was great. Simple but enjoyable. We got to talk about stuff. Not just the serious stuff, what happens after etc. Although that came up. But things like current progress of grandsons. One at uni, the other completing 6th form and may be going onto university depending on grades. Talk of what my daughter is doing and wants to do. Nothing medical, life threatening just normal.<br />
When I cam home a neighbour had been round to talk trains with Mr Mog and brought a book of photos of his layout . We have seen him go by often but met him to talk to for the first time at cancer centre 2 weeks ago. We swapped phone numbers and I asked him to call when he was passing. So he did.<br />
We are going to see the layout this afternoon. I have booked an aromatherapy massage first and I am really looking forward to it.<br />
I am struggling somewhat as I don't know how this disease progresses, where does it go from here? Do the metastatic areas spread? Does it go anywhere other than the spine? All things I need to know. So I can be aware of markers that may need more hospital input .<br />
Writing down the worries helps. Doesn't make for a cheery blog post but I am sorry for that.<br />
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On a more cheery note I have been enjoying creating occasional pages in my journal . When it is daylight I will take some pictures. Will make a change from all text on the blog;)<br />
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The next thing I am in the process of doing is rearranging and emptying my craft room. Or trying to.<br />
We will need to use this room for a bed at some stage as its the only room available and suitable. That<br />
means getting rid of lots of furniture. But I still need somewhere to create. I've seen a friends solution and it would be ideal. Trouble is it's very pricey and I can't afford. So I am looking for something that will hold all my craft supplies and give me a work surface. Then the desk, chest of drawers and large IKEA Expedit unit can go. Oh and the forest throne is for sale if anyone wants a OOAK spinning chair or just comfortable chair. Made in cherry and ash by a Scottish craftsman.<br />
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Hard to photograph the colour but you get the picture?</div>
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I think that may do for now. Thank you for listening. It helps.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-85241124549443095432016-03-10T05:53:00.002+00:002016-03-10T05:53:14.655+00:00Thinking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just for a change I thought I would add a picture. Not much ,but at the moment a lot. It's a <a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/worsted-boxy">Worsted Boxy</a> a suggestion from friends as I don't have the wherewithal for anything complicated. This is round and round, and round. Making it in chunky that's almost Aran. It's slow going as my carpal tunnel in both hands is now very bad. I have splints, again. I am now having steroid injections, again. Can't have an operation for many reasons not just Mr Mog. The recovery rate is slow and I depend on my hands for crutches let alone the day to day stuff. So steroid injections is it.<br />
I had the first one early this week and the second is in a fortnight. I am hoping that will allow me to sleep without all the pain and numbness I am getting.<br />
So how's things?<br />
Well hospice at home have visited, Macmillan have been, district nurses and Gp. All things in place for further on down the line when needed. Mr Mog is weary, lost probably near 3 stone as well as at least 6 inches from his height. The brace is helping tremendously<br />
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Note colours chosen by Mr Mog for the fastenings. It is thermoplastic and means that his back is supported at all times when he is out of bed. He is supposed to wear it all the time when not in bed. It is cumbersome for him but it helps keep the pain at bay and means he can have a little more normal life.</div>
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Normal is much different to what it used to be. It takes a couple of hours probably to get him up, into brace then into bathroom. Sit down, take off brace and wash. Add brace stand up complete drying, get dressed. Sadly he had only had one shower as he feels very vulnerable in there with no brace on. Neuro unit instructions were to cover brace with plastic bag to shower? That means those parts wouldn't get wash. He is on list to be seen and assessed for Day hospice. They have a bath there and he could use that while there. It would also give me a few hours to myself.</div>
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So dressed, then into living room for breakfast. Usually one of the fortisip drinks and a small bowl of jelly and fresh pineapple , although last few days he has managed a plain boiled egg. After breakfast </div>
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the drug marathon, currently around 13 I think - not all different. Mr Mog feels that they fight each </div>
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other and I wouldn't argue with him, after all he knows his own body. When we next go to palliative pain clinic in 2 weeks I will bring up the subject and see what they think.</div>
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By this time it can be 11am, if no appointments or visitors I try to get him out for an hour . Most probably just the supermarket as he can't walk too far and soon tires. But we now have a new scooter for him. A <a href="https://www.travelscoot.com/">Travelscoot</a></div>
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Lightweight, even I can lift it. Our present scooter is way too heavy even when broken down into its 5 components. This is much easier.</div>
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This is getting long so I will make it another post.</div>
<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-17866460072274451832016-03-03T18:47:00.000+00:002016-03-03T18:47:30.611+00:00Sometimes reality hits home hardThis week has been difficult. Monday was massage (Mr Mog) counselling (me) at local cancer centre, followed immediately by palliative pain clinic at hospice. Counselling went ok it helps to talk to someone not involved. Palliative pain was interesting . Consultant had another consultant from another hospital who ostensibly ran the appointment . But our consultant had to take over several times. Mr Mog has been very breathless, not just when walking but when sitting, and his ankles have swollen. He has also been in lots of pain if he coughed. I mentioned to consultants so they had a look at his last X-ray . Heart was swollen and there was some fluid on the lungs, not a lot but some. They recommended asking GP to change his water tablet to see if that helped. Then the visiting consultant turned to me and asked "Is he in increased pain?" I could see our consultant wincing and Mr Mog told him no he wasn't in more pain than normal. Why ask me? Surely Mr M is the best one to answer that question? <div>
Tuesday was oncology. Oncologist was on leave due to family stuff so we saw the registrar. She obviously didn't know Mr M so it was a bit of a wasted day really. Never mind next appointment is 6 weeks and hopefully oncologist is back then.</div>
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Wednesday we had doctor booked for home visit. First time Mr Mog had met this one and she was wonderful. Asked lots of questions, changed his water tablet and added in an artificial saliva spray as his mouth is constantly dry. She also told him that unless he needed to see her before she would visit in 2-3 weeks. Then asked about end of life stuff. Ie what Mr Mog wanted to happen if he needed resuscitation . She told him there was no rush to answer but if he did make a decision sometime it avoided me having to do so at what would be a crucial time or indeed avoided medical staff needing to. He has already had the conversation with Macmillan that he does not want to go in hospital again and would prefer to remain at home. I agree with him. </div>
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Last night the realities of our life suddenly came home to me once more, the thought of GP needing to record his wishes for revive or not. So upsetting even though I know how things are.</div>
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Add in the fact I now have increased pain in both wrists and hands due to the carpal tunnel getting worse . Have got new splints and GP has rearranged appointments so I can have steroid injection in one wrist next week then the other one 2 weeks later. So not much sleep chez moggies.</div>
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I am sorry this blog seems depressing lately, I am afraid I haven't any knitting to show or pretty pictures as we haven't been anywhere.</div>
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But thank you for listening.</div>
ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-85819693990769050352016-02-26T22:31:00.001+00:002016-02-26T22:31:43.022+00:00Is there joy in sadness?I think there has to be otherwise life would be even more unbearable than it is. A joy that manifests itself in the first moments of a new day when the man I love turns and says good morning. When the sun is shining and even better shares a little warmth with us.<br />
When I manage to get Mr Mog to eat a third of a bowl of spicy soup. Or as this morning a full glass of home made smoothie.<br />
There is even laughter when we ponder his ashes final resting place. When he mentions the Lake District and I tell him I am not climbing <a href="http://www.trekkingbritain.com/helvellynviastridingedge.htm">striding edge</a><br />
But that his nephews , keen cyclists as Mr Mog was, must do the deed.<br />
Or when we fix the ever present back brace into place and I tell him he is my bionic man.<br />
There is sadness and tears aplenty . The thought of being without this lovely gentle man is heartbreaking, as is the helplessness I feel that I can't fix it. Can't make him better, can't wave a magic wand or do a spell to make things how they were.<br />
So we enjoy each day, each thing we achieve. Each other<br />
Because in the end that's all you can do.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-18395610175529119902016-02-25T20:09:00.001+00:002016-02-25T20:09:53.469+00:00Time goes too fastMr Mog is out of hospital, he ended up staying 5 days and came home with a back brace. He has to wear it all the time he is out of bed because his discs are collapsing. He has lost over 5inches in height and going on for 3 stone in weight loss. He has no appetite and is on fortisips from doctor . He can only taste citrus or spicy flavours . Jelly is a favourite breakfast. He is eating a fraction of what he did so the drinks help to provide essential nutrients. We have been assessed by Macmillan and a plan of sorts has been created. Mr Mog does not want to go back into hospital and they have decided that if (when) he needs more care it will be Hospice at Home. Occupational therapists have brought some essential stools etc for washing. He had a very relaxing hand massage at our local cancer centre on Monday and I had counselling . It helped to talk to someone who wasn't family or friends as sometimes I feel I am dropping all my fears and tears on to them. Next week is palliative pain clinic Monday followed by oncology Tuesday . Mr Mog is going to tell oncologist he doesn't want any more radiotherapy ,or at this stage, radium.<br />
I am driving , Mr Mog hasn't to drive now he has the back brace. Not that he can as he is very wobbly and not quite with it a lot of the time. The drugs I suspect play a big part in that.<br />
We have discussed apres death plans. He thought he might like his ashes taken to Glastonbury but then decided the Lake District was the place for him as he has spent so much time there cycling. He has given away his 2 cycles to family members and that was very upsetting as he has cycled all his life. But he didn't want to keep them as a reminder of what was. I've persuaded him to change his model rail layout as he had planned. So he sold all his OO gauge trains and vehicles to fund an extension to his O gauge layout. It's been wonderful to see him planning tracks etc. We all need hope , it helps on low days.<br />
We have also planned a bucket list of things Mr Mog would like to do. Zoo visits, Glastonbury and Scotland to see old friends are all on it. I am encouraging him to think of others.<br />
So that's where we are now.<br />
I have very painful carpal tunnel in both wrists/hands. It has been keeping me awake. I've now got wrist splints and I am having more steroid injections as soon as there is space in clinic. I can't have operations, how would I care for Mr M or use my crutches during the recovery period?<br />
Sorry no crafts to show. My heart hasn't been in it.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-60666623088259378282016-02-04T00:23:00.000+00:002016-02-04T00:23:11.148+00:00Cancer update latestmr Mog had MRI today. He has been rushed to specialist neurological unit. He has lesions on his spine and possible spinal cord compression. Oncology, neurology and spinal cord people will have meeting in the morning to discuss and decide treatment. More as I know it.ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-38494882569724256732016-02-01T17:41:00.000+00:002016-02-01T17:42:53.252+00:00Cancer updateit's a long time between posts, I am so sorry but life is pretty awful at the minute. Mr Mog has been poorly for lack of a better word. Oncology was last Tuesday . Oncologist decided not to carry on with chemo as he has been so ill. Huge relief but tinged with worry for both of us. She decided that Mr Mog would have radium223 otherwise known as Xofigo. 6 treatments and 4 weeks apart. This is purely for pain but apparently some times can prolong life a little. She warned it could be 4-5 weeks before first treatment but in the event radiotherapy rang as we Got back to our friend Ms home and offered tomorrow for first treatment. As we had just booked a night away in Liverpool for tonight we weren't sure what to do. They said it was no problem and it's been rescheduled for next Wednesday . Mr M was desperate to have a night in Liverpool at our favourite hotel so our dear friend M agreed to go with us for moral support and help as she was formerly a ward sister. I think the thought of Liverpool has kept Mr M going. Last Thursday he had to see doctor and is now on another course of antibiotics as his chest infection wouldn't go away. He has lost more weight and is now just 10 and half stone:( he is on fortisips to try and gain some weight. We got to Liverpool but I am not sure if I wish we hadn't come or am glad we did. He is shattered, can barely walk and is so so tired and sore. I suspect this may be our final trip away and it breaks my heart to see him so frail. Tomorrow we go home and on Wednesday Macmillan nurses are coming to see us. Doctor has ordered a special mattress for Mr M as he now has pressure sores starting on both hips. Last week we saw palliative care consultant at the hospice go tweak his medication. Trouble is the pain relief is not quite cutting it, the pain breaks through mainly in the day. He sleeps fairly heavily once he gets to sleep. He is sleeping much more in the day now as well. We have been truly blessed with incredible friends and family who ring, visit, email and send cards. Lots of online friends also who we have never met.<br />
For this I am truly grateful.<br />
I have cried for Britain, I feel so desperately sad seeing the man I love so ill.<br />
<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-75194332621713953492016-01-19T12:37:00.001+00:002016-01-19T12:37:27.892+00:00Chemo updateSecond chemo was 2 weeks ago. Mr Mog has been quite poorly. They had to take him in to hospital the week after chemo with a very high temperature and infection. He was in 3 days on drips, oxygen and antibiotics. Slept around 22 hours out of the 24. They decided the infection was inconclusive and as his temperature had returned to normal they sent him home last Tuesday.<br />
Wednesday night he was very rattly breathing and on Thursday doctor came to visit and sent him back into hospital with suspected pneumonia and very low oxygen levels. It was confirmed it was pneumonia so he was put on antibiotics , stronger ones and on oxygen (again) the first time in hospital was good, staff were excellent and pain relief adequate. <br />
This time was totally different and I will be complaining. Pain relief was abysmal, no regular drug rounds and I frequently had to chase nurses for his medication as he was in agony. Friday the drugs were non existent til I arrived mid morning and eventually were given. Afternoon ones took several hours to get as they kept giving excuses. Friday night they were moving him to a ward and he rang me at 10 then said he would have to put phone down as they were taking him to ward. 11pm he rang in tears, not been moved and was sat on end of bed as they had taken all his bedding. They finally moved him at midnight in tears. Saturday was a usual fight for the drugs he needed. Sunday there was a very nasty nurse on. Usual fight for drugs and at lunch time while I was trying to persuade Mr Mog to eat a little( he has lost a lot of weight) she came up swooshed the curtains round the bed and said it was restricted meal time and I shouldn't be there. As I was trying to persuade him to have a little soup I most certainly wasn't moving. After the hour I got up and opened curtains as Mr Mog was struggling with lack of air. In the afternoon our friends came and we had usual fight for drugs. Eventually ward manager came and gave Mr Mog what he needed. Not sure if she had a word with nurse but for a short while she was almost human. At half four she came over to us and said we all had to leave visiting was finished. Now bear in mind I normally stayed all day until 8pm, our friends asked did it mean I had to go and she said yes all of us. Yesterday I got there for 9am as palliative pain specialist was supposed to be coming to see Mr M. Still no pain relief when I got there . At 10-<br />
45 they were bringing some drugs when consultant came with pain people so drugs delayed. He agreed that Mr Mog could go home if oxygen levels ok. They have upped the pain relief.<br />
He is weary, not eating and things are not at their best.<br />
Oh and discharge diagnosis? Hospital acquired pneumonia. Obviously caught on first visit. I have picked up a viral infection, presume in the same spot.<br />
That's where we are up to.<br />
<br />ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-10699696469903702802015-12-21T21:22:00.000+00:002015-12-21T21:22:35.499+00:00Happy Solstice <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Happy Solstice, merry Yule and may the returning light bring with it joy, healing and creativity.</div>
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I made these cards for an exchange I am in but thought it would do perfectly for my Solstice card.</div>
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I haven't sent any cards ,apart from one to Mr Mogs mother. We decided to donate to the chemo unit instead as they do such a sterling job.</div>
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So chemo. Mr Mog had his first treatment last Tuesday. The week before was awful , so many tears shed by both of us. Most of them through fear of the Unknown. We didn't know what to expect.</div>
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On the day itself our friend drove us to the unit and told us to phone when we were ready to come home. Once the chemo nurse greeted us and took us to the unit it all became much less worrying.</div>
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They were so friendly and helpful. Explained everything that was going to happen to Mr Mog. Gave us a short DVD to watch which explained even more. As they started to prepare him for the drip they told Mr M that they would stop anytime he felt uncomfortable or if he wasn't sure of anything. They made us both a cup of tea and brought biscuits then showed us where to find more drinks hot and cold. It took around 4 hours for this first appointment but we were told subsequent ones would be less.</div>
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The week since has not been good. We have had doctor out several times and I had to ring the chemo helpline both days over the weekend as Mr Mog was constantly burping and being sick. He was given different anti sickness tablets and they seem to have helped. He has been very tired and last night was in bed before 9. Today he is asleep now at 9 also. But he was still not good this morning and had a very sore mouth and throat. Our GP came and has prescribed drops as it is thrush. It's frightening and worrying to see such a vibrant man looking so frail and poorly. I hope the chemo helps him. His next appointment is 5th January . All healing thoughts are gratefully received. Thank you.</div>
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btw the magpies came to visit morning after chemo as they do most days. As for the bunny that came with the online purchase of a thermometer. Totally unexpected. The package said for your child;)</div>
ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9885571.post-63444930431315103202015-12-11T21:47:00.000+00:002015-12-11T21:47:01.391+00:00Cancer updateradiotherapy didn't help. New drugs (abiraterone ) didn't either. Oncology appointment was last Tuesday as I brought it forward a week due to Mr Mogs dreadful pain and deterioration. Chemotherapy has now been offered and starts on Tuesday so long as Monday's blood tests allow. The appointment was awful, Mr Mog collapsed due to the shock I think and his blood pressure dropped incredibly low. It took a while to bring him round with the help of sweet tea. Hoping the chemo helps him as he cant stand for very long, can't walk more than a few steps without needing to catch his breath. Hard to believe the deterioration in just a few short weeks. I suspect Yule will be a somber affair. We aren't sending Yule cards this year but instead we are making a donation to the oncology centre. One good point in it all, we have a fantastic doctor. He is sadly only with the surgery until summer as he is a registrar doing a while with GP. He is an absolute star, he has visited most days to avoid Mr Mog needing to go to surgery and has continually tweaked the pain medication to try and ease the pain. Today's visit he again increased the drugs for Mr Mog. He always mentions how lovely the house is and how wonderfully it smells. I think he likes visiting us;)ambermoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09336045464678882082noreply@blogger.com8